


For Reasons Unbeknownst To Me

by angrytitanboy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: :D, Author is bad at tags, Crazy :3, Different Kind Of School, F/F, F/M, I Only Put The Main Ships Up Top, M/M, Professor!Dirk, Professor!Jake, Professor!Jane, Professor!Roxy, Teen AU, Waaaaaaay More Ships, dont hate me, real world AU, school au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 16:27:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5593096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrytitanboy/pseuds/angrytitanboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raised all their lives to one day go out into the real world, the sixteen students emerge from the mountains of Ellijay, Georgia and from the safety provided to them by their Professors Jane, Jake, Roxy and Dirk and into the real world on one final test- the test of a lifetime. Survive following a scavenger hunt. Their task? Don't get picked up by the police, don't get caught alone, and don't die. </p><p>Authors note :3 - The ships listed up top are the MAIN SHIPS!!!!!!! THERE ARE LIKE A BAJILLION MORE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1- Tuesday at Four A.M.

"So, Dave," Karkat glared furiously at the blonde, in the way he looked at everything, "if I may," he emphasized. "How do you expect we go about this project, since you seem to be so fucking up-to-date on what seems to be everything?"

"Well, my proposed solution still stands." Dave said calmly. "You shut the fuck up for two full seconds and the rest of us come up with more helpful ideas."

"I agree," grinned the girl behind a pair of sharp red glasses beside Dave. "Can we put Mr. Grumpus in the corner?"

"Hey!" Karkat snapped. "You shut up! And for the record, no one puts Mr. Grumpus in the corner. Absolutely no one!"

"Guys, we only have twenty minutes before Dirk comes back, so let's actually work on stuff here, ok?" Proposed the raven haired boy behind a pair of glasses politely. "KK?" He smiled at Karkat.

After a pause Karkat sighed. "Fine. Just... Fine. I'll shut up."

"Blessed be God." Dave ironically clasped prayer hands.

"May I have the talking stick?" Kanaya politely asked. 

"By all means." Dave invited her, tossing her a blue pen, which she clicked avidly, signaling the transferral of power from the blonde boy to the well-dressed female. 

"So," Kanaya began. "For the sake of exposition I will state our current situation and dilemma. Our four teachers have brought together our small classes to a group of sixteen, plus them making twenty, for the purpose of a six-month trip to the cities of Atlanta and Decatur, ending along a beach coast in northern Florida. While it seems like a ridiculously long and well-deserved vacation, it is no such thing, for there is a well placed catch!"

"There's always a fucking catch with Professor Asshole." Grumbled the purple-haired pompous jerk face at the corner of the table made by their joining desks. 

Ignoring him, Kanaya continued. "The catch is that during this half-sweep period, we are to undergo multiple tests, trials and tasks concerning everything we have learned so far in these past fifteen years together. One of those tasks spans for the entire six months- which is following a scavenger hunt and taking care of ourselves alone together. Of course, our professors, Professor Dirk, Professor Roxy, Professor Jane and Professor Jake will pop up every now and then to make sure we haven't completely died out, but we'll have no emergency number to call them. If we are to, let's say, get horribly ill, we'll need to deal with the hospital ourselves. If that happens, we have failed and...well, I don't know what. Our dilemma is making sure that we don't do that. So. Any suggestions?"

Karkat raised a shy hand.

"It had better be constructive, Karkat." Kanaya tossed him the pen.

"A question." Karkat easily caught the pen. "What about budget? If we are to survive how are we going to do that without cash?"

"Good question, Karkat." Kanaya said. "That is one to which I have not the answer."

"May I?" Said the particularly bubbly girl next to Eridan.

"Sure, Fef." Karkat tossed the pen. Feferi leapt up and caught it like a whale harpooned in the chest with a glub. 

"Miss Roxy actually slipped this to me when she was a bit more than tipsy." Feferi smiled. "Small, very well hidden envelopes of cold, hard coral will be left around at every checkpoint. They'll contain anyfin from one hundred to one thousand dollars inside, she said." 

"What?" A chorus of confused voices sounded from around the table. 

"How ith one hundred dollars suppothed to feed a group of thixteen?!" Sollux snarled.

"Well, I assume she expects us to save up and spend wisely." Feferi looked low. Sollux mumbled an apology for snapping at her and she sat down. 

"Any more questions?" Kanaya silenced the titter of nervous fifteen year olds. Jade's hand raised.

"How are we supposed to, you know, not get picked up by the police? We are a group of minors traveling about with no adult supervision. Everyone here could get in serious trouble for that. Including our professors." Jade inquired.

"I assume," Kanaya answered, "that is part of our challenge." Titter filled the room again. Some was nervous. Most was excited. And suddenly Karkat's chair screeched across the floor as he leapt up suddenly. 

"I have a solution!" He exclaimed loudly, silencing the titter.

"Please, do share." Kanaya smiled weakly. 

"We need a leader." He said. "Someone to manage the budget, purchases, food rations and whatnot? We need someone to do all that! Someone sharp...and good under pressure...and very strong in his or her social skills. And we'll need other positions, too, but everything has to be run by the leader." There was a pause.

"To be honest," Terezi said. "I nominate Karkat."

"What? That's a terrible idea!" Dave protested. 

"Think about it!" Terezi said enthusiastically. "He's such a grumpy asshole that he won't get all tangled up in personal matters, he'd be so obsessed with being the leader and ordering people around that there'd be no crazy shenanigans- he'd make a great leader, if not stingy and annoying."

"I'm with Terezi on this one." Added in Vriska slyly. "If there's one thing I admire about Vantas, it's that he's not a hypocrite. We can trust him not to serve himself extra big rations of food or keep a personal stash of cash. I nominate KK."

"I nominate Feferi!" Eridan added in loudly.

"What?! I could never!" Feferi blushed like a rose. "I can't handle all that pressure!"

"You'll be an adult soon, Fef! You need to grow up and start taking some responsibility!" Eridan scolded.

"Hey, leave her alone!" Sollux stepped in protectively.  
"And another thing- you need to stop hiding behind this imbecile! Grow up!" Eridan glared.

"I am not hiding behind him!" Feferi shouted in offense. "And you have absolutely no right to-"

"Shut up, both of you!" Equius scolded, folding strong arms. 

"Yea, you guys shouldn't be fighting right meow!" Nepeta chimed in quietly. "Professor Dork will be back any mewnuit meow!"

"Yes, indeed." Kanaya boomed sturdily. All in favor of Karkat as leader, raise a hand now." All hands were raised, save for Eridan's. "Majority rules." Concluded Kanaya. 

"But wait!" Aradia piped up. "Don't you think we're going about this all wrong? I mean, for all our lives our professors have taught us to be independent and strong! Are you sure they would want us to follow a leader?"

"It's not about what they want," Glared Vriska. "It's about what keeps us alive."

"And, scene." In walked the tall Professor Dirk, armed with his shades and incredible good looks. "I hope you've got a good idea what you'll do, because time's up and we depart for Atlanta Tuesday morning at four a.m." 

Teenage groans and moans filled the air in a cacophony of whining.

"I don't know what you expected." Dirk shrugged. "These are the mountains of Ellijay."

 

Rose's Journal. June 17th of 2019. Saturday. 10:47 p.m.

Dear Diary, 

In the case that anyone happens upon this message, please know that what I am about to brave I likely did not survive. This message serves as my memory, for as the girl I am and the world I was born into, I will have no one to carry on my memory or to keep me alive in their hearts. Though this fact is saddening, I have come to terms with it long ago. I wouldn't have survived if I didn't. 

My name is Rose Lalonde. It was a name given time by one of my professors, Professor Roxy. At the time this message was written I was fifteen. I was born into no parents but the four adults and fifteen other peers around me who raised me. I have felt no other loving embrace than that of my fellow students, for we have suffered through many hardships together that knit us tighter than the bonds around my wrists. As soon as we could breathe my friends and I have been learning and and growing and becoming more responsible and independent by the minute. When I took my first breath I was awarded a patch on my tapestry. That was my very first achievement. As I grew I reviewed more and more badges- among them the hedges for being able to walk on my own, to run, to jump, and to shoot a handgun without being blown over by the knockback. These badges all represent my slow climb to independence, for with each badge I earn I have shed a crutch, I have become less dependent. As I grew my badges got harder and harder to achieve. The last one I received was at twelve when I could maneuver a stick-shift car. At fifteen my friends and have received almost all the badges there are. But there's one more left- titled the badge of independence. We have no idea how to receive that badge. 

My friends and I were all born and raised high in the mountains of Ellijay, Georgia, a redneck township that I have never set foot in. In fact, I have never seen another human being in person. I was born into what is formally known as the Independence Project (although we all just call it Ellijay). It's a small society focused on raising kids to be strong and independent and to one day release them into the world with a fake identity, fake personal papers, and education certificates- or so I think. To be honest, no one here has the slightest idea why we were born. 

What I am about to brave is a six month test, releasing us to make it on our own. And I don't think I can. 

-Rose Lalonde, aged 15.


	2. North Main Street.

"Mi-uuuuuu." Nepeta mewed in dramatic despair. "How am I supurrsed to survive with Karkitty as leader?" 

"You'll manage, Nepeta." Equius answered her, drinking another glass of milk.

"Equius. How much mewlk have you had today?" Nepeta sniffed suspiciously.

"Don't worry about it, Nepeta." Equius said gruffly, wiping his mouth and standing up. Nepeta crouched with her handmade claws digging into the floor. She inched after him carefully, like a tiger she stalked her prey. As he climbed the stairs, her presence unknown, she sprung up after him.

"Nepeta tackles her prey!" She announced, leaping into his back and wrapping her arms and legs around him.

"How many times have I told you not to-"

"Nepeta ignores her meowrail and demands he deliver her to her bed." Nepeta cut him off playfully. Equius sighed, knowing Nepeta wouldn't be deterred from a potential piggyback. He secured her in the crooks of her knees and carried her the rest of the way up the stairs and into her bedroom.

She had made it so that her bedroom looked like a cave. Along the walls, drawn in bright crayon colors, she had marked her multiple ships. She had Equius help her color-code it, too. Blue was for possibly canon, green for no way in hell, pink for so-totally canon, and red for OTPOTPOTP. So far, nothing along her walls were marked in red. At least, not to Equius's knowledge. Nepeta had refused her bed, stripping it of its mattress and dumping the metal frame outside. She tore the mattress inside out, strewing stuffing into one big pile along with blankets and sheets and pillows and stuffed cat plushies. Equius carefully removed her from his back and into his arms, carrying her like a baby. She yawned greatly and curled into his chest.

"Equius," she purred sweetly. "When are you going to let me cuddle in your bed?"

"I've told you, Nepeta." Equius replied, setting her down gently in her pile. "It's not appropriate for a girl your age."

"But Equius, you're as old as me!" Nepeta laughed. Equius knelt down and ruffled her hair. As she got comfortable he slipped her clawed gloves off her hands and set them down on her nightstand. 

"Good night, Nepeta." Equius said, giving her the smallest of smiles.

"Wait, Equius," Nepeta called him back. "What happens if...during the trip...what happens if I get hurt?"

Equius knew the answer she wanted, and it was the answer he would give her. He turned back to her and said "I won't let that happen, Nepeta. Good night."

"Wait, one more thing." Nepeta said again, and again Equius turned. "What if I have a bad dream? Then can I cuddle with you?"

"If you have a bad dream, you can come see me and I'll send you back to bed with some warm milk, ok?"

"Ok. Goodnight Equius."

"Good night, Nepeta."

Once he was out of sight, Nepeta quickly dug out a drawing from behind her pillow, illuminated by the moonlight. It was a drawing she made when she was seven- and that she still held onto. Scribbled in bright red crayon was a very cute drawing of her and Equius sharing a very cute kiss. Just looking at it her face flushed like crazy. She hugged it to her chest and stuffed it back under her pillow, curling back into a ball and going to sleep. 

Closing her bedroom door behind him, Equius turned to find himself nose-to-nose with a long-haired girl with her arms folded. She glared at him scoldingly as his face flushed. 

"Oh, what do you care." He groaned, moving aside so that he wasn't so close to her.

"I don't." Aradia replied, following him down the hall. "All I'm saying is to be careful."

"You tell me that every day, I'd really just appreciate if you'd stay out of it. " Equius unlocked his bedroom door with his key.

"It's easy to get tangled up in personal matters, Equius, and with our new assignment we have to stay focused."

"It isn't my place to say so," Equius stepped inside his bedroom. "But don't be a hypocrite. You're always tangled up in 'personal matters' chasing after Captor."

"Leave him out of it." Aradia flushed. "All I'm saying is-"

"Goodnight, Aradia." Equius closed the door and locked it. Aradia, angered that he would even suggest that she was chasing after Solkux, slunk down the stairs and back into her room. Her room was cold, dark, and had everything she needed- a sleeping place, a bookshelf, a picture of Sollux, and a desk with pencils. That's all she required. 

"Chasing after Captor," She repeated to herself as she stripped off her day wear and changed into night wear. "What an idiot. A foul smelling idiot."

"I wouldn't think so." A voice from up above. Sure as sunshine, there was Nepeta, her head poking down through a trapdoor in the ceiling.

"Nepeta!" Aradia cried, covering herself.

"He's not that bad." Nepeta continued. "And besides, it's not a very well kept secret that you are head over tail in LO-OVE with Mister Sollux!" Nepeta teased. Aradia blushed angrily. 

"Get out!" She shouted.

"Fine, fine." Nepeta muttered, her head slipping back up and trapdoor shutting. 

"Well kept secret? Head over tail?" She said aloud. "Urgh!" Shoving on her sleeping shirt, she stomped over to her bed and flopped furiously on it, kicking her and her out and hugging her pillow. Quietly, Aradia held her framed picture of Sollux and hugged it to her chest. "I wish you weren't so oblivious." She sighed. "And I wish you weren't so in love with Fef."

"Told you so!" And there was Nepeta, her head poking out of the trapdoor.

"Get out!" Aradia roared, hurling her pillow at Nepeta's head. With a laugh Nepeta slipped away again.

Up above, Equius also held a picture. Very delicately in his strong hands he held a picture Nepeta had drawn for him when they were eleven. It was a scribbly doodle of Equius, holding a bow and smiling. He had studied this picture many times, and so far had found only one heart. In the very corner, as tiny as could be, a red heart stood out against the blue sky. It was Equius's only written proof that Nepeta's feelings for him were more than pale. He held onto it very well. And then there was a text on his phone from Eridan.

"Equius." It read. "Outside. Now. I found something."

"What?" Equius texted back. 

"Just get out here."

Standing outside was Eridan, his cape handing down by his ankles as he stood over something. Equius followed instruction and met him outside as what Eridan had found glinted in the moonlight.

"What is it?" Equius asked.

"A plaque. A license plate, I think." Eridan picked it up. "There's writing on it, too."

"North Main Street. The center of town. Greyhound."

"Tuesday, four a.m." Eridan added.

"I think we just solved the first puzzle." Equius said.


	3. Greyhound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo fucking hard getting all the typing quirks correct.

"Kar. Hey."

A pause.

"Karkat!"

Another pause.

"Pick up your glubbin' phone, goddamn it!" Eridan texted furiously.

"DEAR POMPOUS ASSHOLE: KARKAT IS BUSY RIGHT NOW. PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET HIM SLEEP." Karkat responded.

"Karkat this is really important! Equius and I just solvved the first piece a the puzzle!"

"WHOA, SERIOUSLY?" Karkat texted, "I'M LISTENING."

"Get ovver here, and fast. Bring the rest a the cabins." 

"JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS!"

"No!"

"YOU FUCKING- FINE. ILL BE OVER SOON." Karkat seethed, hitting send and shoving his phone into his pocket. Still wearing his day wear, he rolled out of bed and hurried to leave his room. Down the hallway and to the left, he knocked on all the doors as he went by. "Everyone get up!" He shouted. "Very important emergency meeting!"

"Ugh, what the FUCK, Karkat?" Terezi shouted from her bedroom. "This isn't why I nominated you!"

"Hey! Eridan and Equius called this meeting to order, not me!"

"You're the thucking leader, you tell them to thut up." Sollux sleepily groaned, poking his head out from his door. His glasses weren't on, and he shut his eyes tight to the glare of the hallway light. 

"Everyone up and out of fucking bed, the two doofuses from cabin four just solved the first piece of the puzzle!" Karkat practically screamed. 

"What?" Jade, Terezi, and Sollux asked in unison.

"What is it?" Jade asked, stepping out of her bedroom and into the light. She yawned, rubbing her eyes awake and stretching so that her tee shirt revealed the tiniest bit of her belly. Karkat turned away to avoid blushing. 

"They won't tell me. They just want everyone over there immediately." Karkat said. "Now hurry up and let's go, pajamas or not." With a few more random groans and grumbles, Karkat's bunkmates followed him out the door. To the three other cabins on the way to the fourth, they pounded on the walls and demanded their presence. When they finally explained why they needed to go they followed, and met up with the group of four outside Eridan and Equius's cabin. 

Eridan waited impatiently, arms folded and foot tapping on the dirt. He wasted no time in scolding Feferi for leaving the house in fish pajamas, and Sollux wasted no time in protecting her. Nepeta, so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open, leaned against Equius, who occasionally roused her from drifting away. As for Aradia, she stood very patiently and quietly, taking her place by Equius's side. 

"So," Karkat said. "This had better be good."

Eridan handed him the license plate. "It's an address in Ellijay. The Main Street. And from what Dirk said we need to be there on Tuesday at four in the morning."

"Then what does greyhound mean?"

"Capital G." Kanaya said. "Greyhound Buses. It's a type of coach bus."

"So that's that. Now we know how to get to Atlanta." Karkat said. 

"Bus fare, anyone?" Vriska cut in. "Any idea how we'll pay that? Mr. leader?"

"Let's focus on actually getting to the bus stop first. We've got quite the walk ahead of us, if you haven't noticed." Dave said. "I say we leave tonight. Walk through the night, work on getting some money in town, and wait around til four in the morning on Tuesday. Karkat?" He turned to the sleepy Grumpus. "Your approval?"

"I agree." Karkat said. "Okay, these are my instructions. Rose, Dave, go check with the professors. See if this is actually the right thing to do. Everyone else, get your phones and chargers and a couple personal items and all the money you have, and meet back here in twenty. And that's an order." 

The crowd dispersed. Dave and Rose set out side by side to cabin number one, while everyone else went back to theirs, chatting along the way. 

"Fef!" Eridan barked. "No silliness, do you hear me? Those personal items had better be-"

"Can you thut the thuck up?" Sollux hissed. 

"I guess he's not that bad a leader." Vriska said to Tavros.

"He's ok. I like him." Tavros agreed. 

"Gamzee," Karkat said. "Nothing crazy, okay?"

"I dunno what you're talkin about, mother fuckin best friend." Gamzee said lazily.

"Cmon, Nepeta." Equius nudged Nepeta.

"Mmmnnnnh." Nepeta groaned, hugging into Equius. "I don't wanna...I'm too tired." Equius lifted her up like a toddler and carried her back inside. Eridan rolled his eyes and followed, Aradia tailing behind him. 

At cabin 1, Dave pounded the door. "Yo, professors, let us in." No answer. He knocked a couple more times before Rose got impatient. 

"What did Professor Jane tell us to do in this situation?" She said. "When you need to leave the house and there's a fridge blocking the door, what do you do?" Dave simply looked at her. "You shove that sucker out of the way!" Rose answered for him with a laugh. 

"So, what? What does that mean?" Dave questioned. 

Rose flashed a shiny pair of lock-picking tools. Dave grinned. 

Once inside, a note hanging from the ceiling hit Dave in the face. "Gah." He groaned. Rose picked up the note.

"Nice job picking the lock. This probably means you found the plate. Good luck. -DS." It read. "My how wonderful youve become! Youve certainly learned a bunch! Good luck to you all! -Jake. oh emm effin geeeeeee!! good joibs! *jubs *jobs wonk ;) -Rolal. Hoo hoo hoo! -Jane"

"Great." Rose said. "We're on the right track."

"I'll text KK." Dave nodded.

"yo, kk" Dave texted. "theyre gone. we're on the right track."

"GOOD." Karkat said. "GRAB YOUR TOOTHBRUSHES AND LETS GO."

 

"Are we all here?" Karkat asked to the company. A strong 'yes' answered him. "Good. Because in addition with my leadership, I have come up with other positions best suited to you all, starting with Kanaya. Kanaya, you're co-leader. You take over for me if something goes wrong. Also, you're smarter than I am, so in the case of a big problem or difficult puzzle I will step down temporarily for you to take over."

"Sounds good." Kanaya nodded.

"Nepeta, you're the shoplift. You get us the shit we need when we need it since you can slip around all aloof and shit. Equius, you're the muscle for obvious reasons. Terezi, you're the executioner. And no, not literally. You're like a Kanaya, except only in situations where we make physical plans happen, you'll be the one to execute them."

"Um, ok." Terezi grinned.

"Vriska, you're the distraction. When we're doing something illegal, like shoplifting, you'll be the distraction to allow Nepeta to get shit done. Tavros, you'll be doing the same, except as like another moving part in her distractions. For example, to allow nepeta to shoplift a shirt or something, Vriska will 'accidentally' topple over a shelf, and you'll be the one making a big deal out of it to distract more people. I want Dave as the locations manager, Rose as the budget manager, and John as the health manager. Jade, I want you as sharpshooter, like a doublecheck. Also, if something seriously goes wrong, improvise and make shit work. Fef, you're the decoy. The bait, of sorts. Sollux, you're the one to make sure once the bait is taken that she is in no danger and will survive."

"He's not suited for that!" Protested Eridan.

"Thut the fuck UP." Sollux groaned, balling fists. 

"Eridan, your job is the body count. You make sure that wherever we are everyone is with us." Karkat ignored them both. "Aradia, you're the tears."

"The tears?" Aradia questioned.

"The beggar. If shit gets tough, you're the tearjerker that makes money." Karkat explained. "Gamzee, your job is to not flip your shit. That's all."

"Mother fuckin' peachy." Gamzee gave a thumbs up. 

"It is probably the most important job there is, next to my job as leader. And that's all." Karkat concluded. "Any questions?" No hands raised. "Everyone got their shit?" Nods all around. "Good. Locations manager, guide us." And side by side, Dave and Karkat led the group through the forest.


	4. Jealousy.

The world around them all shuddered and shook in the wind. The warm Summer's night wasn't too harsh on them and every now and then a cool breeze would brush their cheeks. Though normally, as teenagers do, the group would be chattering away endlessly, but in the middle of the night they were all too tired to do so. Up and down on rocky slopes, Dave did his best to navigate them around the harder places to track. Karkat had chosen wisely who should lead them into the night- Dave was Jake's best geography student, and had received much praise for his 'impeccable sense of adventure'. They moved along quietly, everyone struggling to keep their eyes open. It proved that Terezi was the only one smart enough to bring two bottles of water, as soon the word got around and they began trading her dollars in exchange for two-second sips. 

Nepeta had packet her things in the pocket of her jacket- her secret picture and her kitty claws. She passed out very soon after departure and fell face-foreword into the dirt, causing a momentary pause to see if she was okay and to have Equius carry her the rest of the way. She was very grateful for the hours-long cuddle session and fell asleep happily in her moirail's arms. 

Vriska was getting bored putting one foot after another. She frequently made little 'hmmph's and folded her arms and kicked at rocks. Beside her, Kanaya slushed along, very tiredly trekking along. And Vriska watched her best friend, her only friend, with a curiously racing heart and reddened cheeks. She knew of her feelings for her and she knew they were reciprocated, but she hadn't really cared enough to pursue them. "Ah, well," she shrugged to herself. "Might as well make this journey a little more interesting." She slyly inched closer to her friend, whose arms hung limply at her sides. First, she slipped her pinky, then her ring finger, and then Kanaya noticed at looked at Vriska. But Vriska wasn't looking- she was looking straight ahead. And so Kanaya decided to play along and laced her fingers with Vriska's. And no one noticed. It was just the two of them in their own little world. Equius and Nepeta in their own little world, and Vriska and Kanaya. 

"Ahm, ah, so, Jade." Tavros stumbled a while later into the trek. Jade glanced over with a smile.

"Hi, Tavros."

"So uh, what do you think?"

"Of what?"

"Of walking."

"Well, my feet hurt." Jade laughed. "I'm a bit tired and thirsty. Otherwise I like it just fine. Sometimes I forget I'm walking and I almost doze off. It's really nice out tonight, don't you think?"

"Yea, it is, I guess." Tavros smiled, always pleased by her warm smiles. "Did you say you were thirsty? I can get some water for you if you want."

"I think Terezi's run out, but it's okay, thank you."

"I have some water." Tavros said. 

"Really?" Jade perked up. 

"Yeah. I was saving it for when I really needed it." Tavros said, retrieving a mini water bottle and handing it to Jade. "Take it."

"Tavros, are you sure?" Jade said.

"Yea. It's important that you stay hydrated. You're the sharpshooter. I'm just the distraction. We already have one of those." Tavros smiled wearily. Jade handed him back the water bottle.

"You're just as important as everyone else." Jade said seriously. "You stay hydrated. It's important that I don't depend on you for something as vital as water. Jane wouldn't have liked that."

"Someone just earned another girl-scout badge." Feferi smiled at her. Jade giggled. Tavros put back his water. 

"On your toes, guys." Karkat said loudly. "We're close. I can see it now."

"Really?" Sollux said, hurrying his steps to catch a glimpse. Soon everyone was more awake, stopping at the edge of the mountains for a peek at the town below. The sun has just begun to climb into the sky, not leaving a lot of time to get moving.

"There's North Main Street." Dave pointed out. 

"Cmon, let's go! I'm starving!" Terezi cheered, beginning to rush down the mountain.

"Hey!" Karkat shouted. "Not so fast! I'm the leader, I say when we go."

"Guuuuh." John groaned. "Karkat, aren't you tired?"

"I am, but I think we need a plan. We're too suspicious as this big pack." Karkat said. "It's like professor Dirk said. Most of the time you can't just hurl yourself at something at Mach 20 like a fucking meteorite crashing smack-dab in the middle of jack nowhere. We need to split up. Go in one at a time from all sides. We'll congregate behind that building on those outskirts. We'll decide what to do from there.

"That being said, I want Kanaya, Rose, Gamzee and Egbert in one group, Kanaya as leader. Rose, keep Kanaya from clown-hunting, please."

"Sure." Rose yawned.

"Secondly I want Eridan, Feferi, Sollux and Aradia in another group, so long as Sollux and Eridan don't become total dickbags and end up arguing, and I'm putting Aradia in charge. Thirdly, I want Dave, Equius, Nepeta and Jade in a group, Dave as leader. Fourth and finally, I will lead a group of Vriska, Tavros and Terezi. Any fucking questions because I am REALLY not in the mood right now."

"Neither are we, Mr. Grumpus." Terezi stuck an insubordinate tongue. 

"I'll take that as a no." Karkat said. "Now my group will take north, Dave's East, Aradia's west, and Kanaya will do head on. And I'll leave you all to it."

 

"Alright, I'm going in first." Dave announced, peering at the waking town from behind a tree. "I'll walk down main. Do as I do, but don't go the exact same way. We'll meet in front of that red door. Then we'll head to the congregation-spot. Wake Nepeta up and make sure she doesn't fucking faceplant in front of anyone."

"That shouldn't be a purroblem." Nepeta smiled. "I've had a good long catnap!"

"Yeah, and now you smell like a muscle beast." Jade said playfully. 

"Nepeta hisses fiercely and fluffs up her tail!" Nepeta played along. 

"Alright we got it." Dave said. "You guys can rp your asses off later. Follow my lead and wait for the signal." And then he was off. He started off slowly and casually, his hands tucked in his jean pockets and his eyes casually looking around from behind opaque shades. Then he sped up. He acted as if he had seen something and started in a slow jog towards the red door. He took his time, crossing a crosswalk and back, finally reaching his destination and kicking up against the wall. The three in the bushes watched him intently. Waiting... Waiting... There it is. Dave snapped his fingers and Nepeta pushed foreword, trying to be as casual as a cucumber...if that is how the rhyme goes. She held her hands behind her back, her claws in her pocket, easily and gently making a slow path to the red door. Dave glanced at her every now and again, making sure she was doing the right thing. Nepeta coasted easily down the sidewalk, crossing the crosswalk and circling around, then heading up the other side of the street and crossing again to finally meet Dave at the red door. Nepeta and he made casual talk, Dave correcting a cat pun every now and then, until Nepeta snapped her fingers and Equius followed in pursuit. 

He followed more straightly to the door, his hands at his sides like they always were, moving swiftly but not too swiftly. Even before he reached the red door he snapped his fingers and Jade followed easily. Jade trotted along, keeping her eyes on the red door, until she stopped and waited. She pulled out her cell phone, (nice move, Dave would later add) and pretended to text someone until she snapped it shut and continued her pursuit. Once all in front of the red door, Dave began down the alley and passed the building of congregation and behind it, where Vriska and Terezi were already there, giving each other the side eye.

"Where's KK?" Jade asked. 

"Who cares?" Shrugged Vriska. 

"He should be here in three, two," Terezi said.

"Oh, hey." Karkat said. "Fancy seeing you here. Alright, I've been nice, can we shut up now?"

"Hi Jade." Tavros waved. Karkat looked at him strangely.

"Ok, so," Dave said. "When do we drink water and shit?"

"When Terezi and her thousands of dollars of water money goes and buys shit." Karkat said. 

"Fiiiine." Terezi said. "But I choose Dave to help me."

"And Dave obliges." Dave nodded.

"And then Karkat calls you both idiots and sends you on your way with the locations manager to go do your sloppy make outs." Karkat glared.

"Is somebody jealous?" Nepeta teased, crouching with her hands on her knees. 

"No I'm not jealous!" Karkat flushed. 

"Reeeeaaaally?" Nepeta purred. "Because I've seen you be grumpy at Tavros and Dave now! Are you just grumpy that they get more action than you?"

"Shut up shut up shut UP!" Karkat was practically bouncing up and down with anger.

"Karkat, please!" Jade cried. "We're supposed to be unnoticed here! Jesus, you're so stupid!"

and Karkat was defeated. He stared blankly into her eyes, her angry face, while the knowledge reached to him that this was the girl, this was the girl he was so in love with, and she just called him stupid. She thinks he's stupid!

"Fine." He said. "Fine, fine, FINE! Terezi, go get water for everyone with Dave. Dave, make out with her all you fucking like! I give zero shits! Nepeta, for the record, I am not jealous of anyone or anything! Now will you please shut up and stop being such a stupid sack of shit? I cannot believe you would even suggest that! You fucking idiot!"

Nepeta wasn't hurt, but for her sake Equius placed a protective hand on her shoulder.

"Oh no. Don't you start with me. Don't you fucking start!" Karkat hissed, pointing a finger at Equius. "You putrid fucking unbathed imbecilic brute! I don't care if you snap me in half, do NOT-" but he was cut off as Jade hugged him very tightly and warmly, her hands clutching to the fabric of his shirt, her head buried in his shoulder. And everyone was quiet. Watching. Waiting. Karkat was absolutely stunned. His face was redder than anyone had ever seen it and he couldn't bring himself to hug her back. After a good ten seconds she finally let go, her face hot with anger.

"Now will you please cut it out? We have a job to do, Karkat." Jade said calmly, staring Karkat in his wide eyes. 

"Would someone like to tell me what's going on?" John asked with uncontainable laughter. Behind him was the rest of the eight, patiently waiting on their leader to speak. Karkat paused, still in shock, and cleared his throat. 

"Uh...Dave and Terezi are going to find water." Karkat regained his leaderly firmness. "And, um, Sollux and Fef can go find food. Eridan, body count real quick."

"All accounted for." Eridan reported.

"Good. So...um...the rest of us, let's get into the woods a little farther away and set up camp for the night...or...something...Gamzee, how are you over there?"

"Mother...fuckin...sleepy..." Gamzee yawned. 

"Uh...ok then...good."


	5. Otmisre Ryon.

"Dave, isn't this cool?" Terezi grinned excitedly to Dave as they walked about in search of a place selling water.

"Sure, I guess. Meeting our first human, I guess." Dave shrugged.

"Exactly!" Terezi cheered. "Our very first human! How cool is that?"

"Almost as cool as my water better fucking be." Dave said. "Because look- gas station. Jackpot."

"Gas station." Marveled Terezi. "A real life gas station! Jake taught us about these!"

"And look!" Dave said. "A ROAD! Wait wait, shh shh shh...is that a TREE?!"

"Dave, we have trees back home." Terezi stuck out her tongue.

"Cmon, we'd better hurry up then. Karkat's kind of a mess right now." Dave said.

"Yeah, what with his raaaaging jealousy." Terezi groaned. "Pretty cool that Jade shut him up just like that though. He's SUCH a immature kid, though, getting all worked up over shit that doesn't concern him."

"Or even exist." Terezi glanced over at Dave, her heart sinking. Dave went on. "There's no way Tavros could get with a girl like Jade." Terezi breathed a sigh of relief.

"You'd be surprised." She told him, pushing open the door of the store. "Jade goes for the sweet guys." Terezi and Dave stopped to marvel at the store. It's greasy floors, the rows and rows of junk food, and the many clear refrigerators stocked with drink after drink after drink. Dave was practically drooling at the sight of all this nourishing liquid. He stepped forward, Terezi close behind him. With his mouth shut tight he touched the door to the coolers, inside many different types of water chilled ice-cold. He swung open the door and began snatching at waters, grabbing bottle after bottle in his arms. Terezi began fishing out her money. Finally they stepped to the cash register and Dave dumped his waters on the counter. The Indian man looked at him strangely and rung up the price of sixteen Zepher-Hills Waters. 

"Seventeen thirty-three." He said calmly. Dave looked at Terezi, expecting her to cough up the money, but she just stared. And stared. And Dave could see the fat teardrops rolling down her cheeks and soon she was crying. In a panic she hurled her stuffed purse at the bewildered cashier and made a mad dash out the door.

"Shit." Dave gritted his teeth. "I'm sorry, man, she's blind." Dave explained. "She's blind and she wants to do things but she panicked and got scared. I'm sorry."

"Oh, I see, I see," the flustered cashier reassured him. "I give you two dollar on the house. You want paper or plastic?"

"Terezi." Dave said hurriedly, setting down the bags of water and kneeling at her side. "Hey, what's up? What was that?" Terezi sobbed into her knees, curled into a ball against the firewood stack by the door. Dave shook her shoulder. "Terezi, come on, talk to me. You can tell me." 

"I can't do it, Dave!" Terezi cried. "I can't! I was so confident but then I saw my first real human and I just got so scared. Dave, I can't do it. I can't do this. I want to go home."

"Cut it out." Dave told her. "You can do this, you know you can. You're just scared, and it's ok. It's ok to be scared. Hell, I'm scared. I'm scared shitless, Terezi. I don't know how we're supposed to do this. But we can do this. You and me. We got this shit. We can handle it. We are, like, so on the handle. You and me, we're going to get down on one knee and propose to the handle." Terezi laughed. "We're going to get married." Terezi stopped laughing and looked him dead in the face. "To the handle, Terezi. Don't flip this around on me." Terezi burst out laughing with Dave. "And we're going to have so many babies. with the handle. and grow old together. With the handle. And we're going to get buried side by side. By side with the handle." On the third 'with the handle' Terezi said it with him and laugh so hard her diaphragm hurt. She flung her arms around him and hugged him deep and close. Now, Dave didn't usually hug people. He wasn't as huggy as Jade. But in the case where his best friend had just finished crying he decided to let it slide and hugged her back. 

"Oh, Dave," Terezi said, letting go. "We should get Gamzee a faygo. Just in case. Like an emergency faygo."

"Sure, but I told the cashier you were blind."

"What?"

"To explain your freak out. I told him you were blind and that you got scared." Terezi laughed. 

"Great explanation, Dave." She rolled her eyes behind her shades. "Now let's go." 

 

"We bring water." Terezi announced, and like a pack of wild dogs everyone rushed forward to get theirs. Soon everyone was either greedily gulping or stingily sipping at their ice-cold hydration machines. Dave handed the faygo to Karkat.

"Just in case." He explained.

"Good." Karkat nodded, putting the sugary drink into his knapsack. "Thanks. And..." He looked over at Jade, who had stopped drinking to fold her arms and wait patiently on Karkat. To his look, she gave a nod, and Karkat turned his full body to Dave. "Sorry for um...you know..."

"Exploding?" Terezi suggested. 

"Sure, that." Karkat huffed. "Sorry for that." And he looked back at Jade, who gave the notion of her hand to keep going. "And while I can't say that it won't happen again, I can say that it's none of my business what you do with Terezi and-"

"Alright, alright, I got it." Dave said. "I don't need the monologue."

"I really hope you forgive me because," he lowered his voice and clenched his teeth. "She will not get off my back until you do."

"Sure, I'll forgive you." Dave grinned. "But not until you apologize to Equius, Nepeta and Tavros, too."

"Gah, seriously?!" Karkat snapped. Jade cleared her throat. Karkat huffed a sigh. "Fine. Just- fine. Here I go." He went up to Tavros first. "I am formally fucking sorry for saying a bunch of stupid bullshit."

"Oh, Karkat, you didn't need to, honestly, I wasn't hurt-" Tavros attempted reassurance, but Karkat wasn't having it.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks. Nepeta!" He barked. Nepeta bounced up to his side.

"Yes Karkitty!" She purred. 

"I am formally sorry for saying a bunch of stupid bullshit." Karkat repeated. 

"Apurrlogy accepted!" Nepeta nodded. 

"As is mine." Equius added. "Nepeta, do you have any requests?" Karkat looked at him with a pleading look.

"Hmmm!" Nepeta said. "Karkat should stand up and declare his undying jealousy of Dave and Tavros!"

"This should be good." Vriska grinned, taking Kanaya's hand and standing up with her. 

"You've got to be kidding me." Karkat practically wheezed. "You're not honestly making me do this, are you?" Nepeta nodded in amusement. Karkat waited before sucking in a huge breath and belting out,

"Hear me universe!" He shouted. "I am, and will forever be, insanely jealous of Tavros and Dave! I am so ridiculously jealous, I am near drowning in my own jealously! I am losing my mind in this jealousy! My tiny pebble of a brain simply cannot fathom the idea that there is even the smallest chance that Tavros and Dave have better chances with women than I do because I am, and will forever be, the stupidest, most self absorbed mother FUCKER who ever walked this planet earth! Do you hear me, universe? Are you satisfied?!"

There was silence as Karkat took a breath and held his face in his hands "ohmygod." He muttered. "Ohmygod." And then there was a round of applause. Nepeta cheered his cold-blooded honestly. Vriska and Kanaya laughed so hard they nearly cried. The only one who wasn't absolutely losing it over this earsplitting confession was John, who was just so sweet and caring that he was honestly worried if Karkat was okay. He tried to call Karkat's name, but he was inaudible over the cheering. Dave and Terezi swept forward to high-five him, Jade to hug him, and Nepeta to declare her acceptance of his apology. John struggled foreward, tugging Karkat aside to straighten him out. 

"Karkat, are you okay?" He asked worriedly. 

"Fine. Absolutely peachy." Karkat panted. 

"Really, are you alright? You're not going to lose it?" He added again. 

"John, I'm good." Karkat said.

"Do you need a bro hug?" John said, and before Karkat could respond negatively John locked him into his second warm embrace that day, but this one was much shorter and good hearted. John gave him a smile and a pat on the shoulder before going about his business. 

"Okay guys, no more shenanigans, we have to get to work." Karkat said, stepping back into the mass of teenagers before him, "we have one more day here before we get on the greyhound and get to Atlanta. My gut says that there's another clue here, and I don't think Eridan's just going to trip over it this time. So?"

"Where are we supposed to find a clue?" Tavros asked.

"I'm asking you all." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Kanaya?"

"Well, I would assume that it would be near where the greyhound will arrive, but we'll look a bit suspicious poking around the sidewalk on Main Street." Kanaya said. 

"Wait." Gamzee piped up. "Do we still got that wicked cool mother fuckin' license plate?"

"Yes, we do." Jade nodded.

"Who's handwriting?" 

"Um," Jade inspected the plate. "Jane's. Why?"

"Isn't Jane always gettin her mother-fucking code on? Try reading in code."

"Jane's particular coding style is the second letter of every sentence. It must be why she likes you so much, Gamzee." Jade said. "Now let's see. North Main Street. Greyhound. That'd be... Otmisre, Ryon."

"Otmithre Ryon?" Sollux repeated. 

"Otmisre, idiot. With an 's'." Eridan snuffed.

"Hey! Not glubbin' cool." Fef hissed. 

"I think it's pronounced OAT-mizer, instead of OUGHT-mizer." Rose said. "Otmisre was a poet. Ryan was his first name."

"So what?" Karkat said.

"So," Rose grinned. "I think this authorizes a trip to our very first library."


	6. The Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very vulgar language against gays in this chapters. Be warned, all ye sensitive ones!

"Well, the library is about six blocks away, just past the primary school." Terezi heaved a weary sigh. "So, whose going to go?" 

"I volunteer!" Rose said excitedly.

"I, as well." Kanaya said happily. 

"Anyone else?" Karkat asked. He was answered by silence. Just as he was about to continue speaking, he got a text from Feferi.

Glub! )(i-tide, Karkat! Sollux and I are on our way back as we spearfish! Sea you soon!

FEFERI. WHAT TOOK YOU TWO SO LONG?

Not)(ing!

GUH. FINE. JUST GET HERE SOON.

BY THE WAY, DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE LIBRARY?

W)(at?

YOU HEARD ME. LIBRARY.

Are you asking me out, Karkat? 38D

NO!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD EVEN SUGGEST THAT!

I was just teasing 38P We'll be t)(ere soon.

"Ok, just got word from Feferi-" Karkat said.

"It's about time!" Eridan folded his arms. "Why didn't she text me first?"

"Uh, I dunno, maybe because I'm the leader?" Karkat seethed. "Also because you're not the center of her universe!"

Eridan humphed. Karkat rolled his eyes and continued. "So Kanaya and Rose will go to the library. Sollux and Fef are bringing food. The rest of us will scope out a good place to sleep for tonight and the next, and then, Atlanta. Sound good?" Nods all around. "Good. Kanaya and Rose, you have my permission to- look at that, they're already gone." Sure enough, Rise and Kanaya were already on their way, hurriedly running through the streets, laughing as they did.

"Isn't this great!" Kanaya said.

"Indeed!" Rose entertained her. "A library, a scavenger hunt, and six months trying to survive with our friends is surely exciting!"

"I was more excited about solving another piece of the puzzle, but yes, that is also pretty cool." Kanaya said. "How cool will this be! And how very cool you are for knowing Ryan Otmisre! Here I thought I was the only one who knew of his work."

"Oh, yes! He's written some of my most favorite biblical poetry. I love this particular verse- Who's seen Jezebel? She was born to be the woman we could blame, make me a beast, half as brave, I'd be the same. I just love that verse so much." Rose recited perfectly.

"From the poem, Woman King." Kanaya stated.

"Correct!" Rose confirmed her statement to he true. They chuckled a bit before silence swept over them and they walked along together, side by side, looking around with smiles as their town woke up. The sun had climbed back into its perch by the sky now, illuminating the clouds a shade of pink as they walked underneath it. The summer heat was kind to them that morning, not beating down on them as it surely would in July. Rose then felt a spark looking at Kanaya, an idea popping into her head. No! Of course not! She scolded herself. Kanaya will surely take it as a romantic gesture, and that won't be very helpful at all, now will it? But, if I make it clear to her that it's a completely platonic thing...

"Kanaya?" She asked before she could stop herself.

"Yes?" Kanaya answered.

"May I...hold your hand?" Rose said, her face flushing.  
"Um...Rose, I didn't kinks that you felt that way about me..." Kanaya blushed like a red tulip.

"I-I don't! I just...felt it necessary. It doesn't make much sense, but, would you mind?" Rose responded.

"Uh...okay...just so long as you don't mention it to anyone." Kanaya nodded. 

"I didn't plan on it." Rose smiled. Kanaya slipped her hand into Rose's.

Upon reaching the library, the pushed open the unlocked door with their hands still interlocked. By that time they were talking of romantic dramas that they suspected were happening in their friend group and laughing about it. Kanaya did keep to herself her romantic feelings for Vriska. It was when Kanaya mimicked Karkat confessing to Jade that things got ugly with their first human.

"Imagine that!" Kanaya laughed. "I love you so much, Jade, please marry me and also bear my children!"

"Excuse me." An elderly female voice came from their right. The girls looked over at the woman behind the counter, who angrily tapped a finger on her desk.

"Sorry, ma'am," Rose hushed her tone. "We'll be quieter."

"That's not the problem, missy." She scoffed. "We don't service fags here." Rose and Kanaya were stunned. The woman tapped impatiently. "Please leave."

"Excuse me, ma'am, but I'd prefer you not use such vulgar language when speaking to me!" Kanaya seethed, her eyes red as flames. 

"I'll speak to you however I damn well please." The woman said. "This is a respectable establishment and we do not service your kind here."

"Ma'am, I would really like you to reconsider." Rose backed Kanaya up. "For law states that you absolutely must service those who come for it as an establishment of the state, no matter their gender, race, religion or other difference that may conflict with yours."

"Yeah, but the law didn't state that we have to serve no fags." Said a burly man. "Law also states the freedom of religion, so we can practice ours wherever we please."

"You do realize how stupid you sound?" Kanaya hissed. "Stating that my sexual orientation conflicts with your religion is like being mad at someone for eating a doughnut when you're on a diet! Now, I have come here to check out a book and that is what I will do, please and thank you!"

"You ain't taking another step, you creatures."

"Sir and ma'am." Rose said, trying her best to be calm. "My girlfriend and I mean no harm to you. However if you continue to refuse us the service provided by the government, I will call the sheriff of this town and make you."

There was a long pause. 

"You got twenty seconds to find your book and get out." The woman said. "Twenty, nineteen..."

"Go. Go go go." Kanaya told Rose, who dashed off as fast as she could to the poetry shelves. 

"Fifteen, fourteen..."

"O...o...O!" Rose mumbled to herself. "Oakland, Oakley, Oather..."

"Ten...nine..."

"Rose, come on!"

"Oppal, Oppena, Oregon..."

"Six...five..."

"Rose!"

"Oregano, Orson, Otmisre!"

"Three...two..."

"Come on...come on...here!" Rose cried, snatching a note and envelope from inside.

"One. GET OUT!" The demonic librarian roared as Rose and Kanaya ran for their lives from the burly man chasing after them. 

"Did you get it?" Kanaya panted as they caught their breath outside. Rose barely had time to nod before instinct took over and he was smothering Kanaya with her mouth.

"Rose!" Kanaya shrieked.

"Kiss me, make them mad." Rose said, kissing her again and again, and Kanaya getting it and kissing her back with delight, her hands grabbing at her hair and the shirt on her back. They made out gloriously, laughing on each other's mouths, flipping off the bigoted rednecks inside. They just kept going and going, until long after the purpose was to piss of the assholes of the library they were still kissing, but a lot softer and deeper. Their hands cupped each other's cheeks and touched their neck, and they didn't bother to stop anymore, nor to care who saw.

"Rose," Kanaya whispered on Rose's lips. "Rose, is this real?"

"Real how?" Rose kissed the corner of her mouth.

"Real like...you really mean this...you have feelings for me."

"Yes...I do."

"Me, too." They kissed a while longer before they finally stopped.

"Think we should read the note?" Rose asked. Kanaya answered with a nod, unfolding the note to read it. 

 

My dear stufebts, (*stufents. *students.)

nice job with this fuckin' clue. wouldn't a guessed you'd happen upon it. u guybs (*guys) must be sum pretty smart bitches to get this un. as a rward (*reward) here's seven hundred bucks. Spend wiiiiiiseleeeeeey!!! Wonk ;).  
-prbofessoberf Roxalicious.

 

"She must have been really drunk when she wrote that." Rose laughed.

"I never did ask you, Rose," Kanaya said. "Was it Roxy who named you?"

"Indeed it was!" Rose said with a smile as they began walking back. "How EVER did you guess?" She laughed, taking Kanaya's hand again.

As they began their walk back, they would never guess that they had been watched during their kiss. And who better to see such a thing that Vriska Serket herself! But Vriska said nothing as she watched them, betrayed, and then scurried back off to the group, never to reveal what she had seen. Because, sure, she's a bitch, but she's not that big a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem verse from the song Jezebel by Iron and Wine


	7. Rap Battle of Doom

The seven hundred bought them two rooms at the Ellijay Inn- the only two available -for two nights, leaving them sitting pretty at five-fifty. By the time they had figured out that they didn't have to sleep in the woods they had been flipping around behind the abandoned building until noon. At lunch they had a feast of gummy worms and potato chips (thanks to Feferi's amazing shopping skills) and ended up at the Inn at around three-thirty.

"Hi, yeah, how many rooms do you have available?" Karkat asked the old woman behind the welcome counter. 

"Just two." She answered sweetly. 

"Two?" Karkat hissed. "Are you kidding me? We have sixteen people, lady, and-"

"What he means to say, is that we'd like those two rooms for tonight and the next, check out at three-thirty a.m." Vriska interrupted him.

The woman was bewildered. "Um...of course...may I have your ages?"

"All of us are eighteen and nineteen." Kanaya said. "We're on a college trip across the county."

"Oh, how nice!" The woman smiled, completely buying it, "but what about her?" She pointed at Nepeta, who had again fallen asleep in Equius's arms. "She doesn't look that old."

"She's actually thirteen." Tavros interjected. "She's his little sister."

"Ah, I see." The woman said. "Your rooms are room three and four, and that'll be one hundred fifty!" Karkat slammed the money on the counter and snatched the keys, and their party followed off.

"Kanaya, I'm putting you in charge of Room Four, I'll take room three." Karkat said. "Now, I want Egbert, Dave-"

"Boys in Karkat's room, girls in mine." Kanaya interrupted. Everyone nodded and split up, Equius rousing Nepeta and setting her down. 

To make matters easier, in Kanaya's room there was Kanaya, Rose, Vriska, Nepeta, Feferi, Aradia, Terezi and Jade, and in Karkat's there was Karkat, Equius, Tavros, Eridan, John, Dave, Sollux, and Gamzee. Easy enough.

"Ok, we have two beds, who here doesn't mind sharing?" Kanaya asked. 

"I am purrfectly fine with a cuddle!" Nepeta said.

"As am I." Rose added. 

"I would prefer the bathtub, to anything else." Feferi said. Their final arrangements ended up being Vriska on the floor, Nepeta and Jade in a bed, Terezi on the floor, Feferi in the bathtub, Aradia on the floor ("It doesn't bother me," she said very grimly, creeping everyone out) and Rose and Kanaya in a bed. Vriska didn't let that last fact slip over her head. She was very aware of the way they looked at each other, and while she wasn't okay with it she refrained from saying anything as she made her bed out of towels and Nepeta's jacket on the floor. Aradia preferred sleeping flat on her back with nothing to cover her, and to keep Terezi warm the bed girls gave her their top sheets and the bathrobe in the closet. For Feferi, she didn't mind. She simply warmed up the tub with a warm bath before laying down to sleep.

Things were not so easy one door over.

There was an ambush on Equius, attacking him with deodorant and Febreeze, trying desperately to mask his stench. They made him sleep next to naked on a bed of towels to catch his perspiration. Sollux politely refused to share a bed with anyone, whereas Eridan proclaimed that he wouldn't be caught dead in a bed with another man, to which Sollux called him a homophobe, and Eridan threw a punch, and Karkat forced them to sleep on the floor on opposite sides of the room. Boy after boy refused to sleep in a bed with another boy and it became clear that no one wanted to share a bed so they did a raffle to see who would get a bed. Tavros and Gamzee slept on beds, while everyone else was strewn about the room with blankets and sheets and pillow and towels (Karkat slept in the closet). 

As the night grew darker and quieter, girl after girl fell asleep, (the first being Nepeta, and the second Feferi). Soon, at ten pm, all slept soundly, save for Kanaya, Rose and Vriska. Vriska stayed quiet and still as a spider watching her prey, listening to the very breath Kanaya pushed out, until finally she heard her voice.

"Rose?" A very faint whisper. 

"Yes?" A whisper even fainter answered. 

"Today...at the library...that really was real?"

"Yes, of course. Are you alright, Kanaya?"

"Plagued with insomnia."

"I know how you feel. I've stayed up many nights staring at my ceiling like tonight. Except, this is the first time in my life that I've had company to join me." Rose carefully slipped Kanaya's hand into hers.

"How long, Rose?"

"Hmm?"

"How long have you felt this way about me?"

"I can't say." Rose said. "It's been there a while, but I never really realized it until I kissed you. And you?"

"The same. I just never really thought about it."

And then there was a very long silence.

"We're you hurt, Kanaya? By the things they said at the library?"

"More enraged than hurt. It baffles me that people like that walk this earth."

"That's good, I suppose."

"Yes."

Another silence.

"Rose?"

"Yes?"

"We can't let Vriska find out. If we are to pursue these romantic feelings for one another...she can't know."

Vriska was infuriated. She dug her nails into her own chest and seethed in total silence. She wanted to leap up, to scream, "Well, tough luck, because Vriska already knows! Vriska here saw you two snogging like the lovesick bastards you are! Vriska knows good and well and Vriska has never been more angry with you, Kanaya, you double crossing back stabbing bitch! Vriska wonders how you get on with yourself knowing that while you double cross her you double cross Rose, too! Do Vriska's feelings for you mean nothing? Do you care at all? Well Vriska doesn't! Vriska says that after you finish fucking Rose you can fuck yourself, too, because Vriska is over it! Vriska is done!"

"Why Vriska exclusively?" Rose asked.

"Because," Kanaya answered.

"Tell her." Vriska mouthed. "Tell her that if Vriska finds out she will personally bash your teeth out and blind you so you never get to see each other's faces again."

"Because Vriska just gives me so much shit." Kanaya said. "And if she knew she'd just make everything suck."

"I'm sorry, Kanaya." Rose said. "She does tend to do that, doesn't she?"

And then Vriska heard it- the sound of mouth on mouth, of bodies shifting slowly, of little noises of pleasure escaping lips and of hands brushing through hair. Vriska's heart hurt like it had never hurt before. She did all she could not to cry as she waited for their kissing to stop.

Meanwhile, in the boy's room:

"You guys know how motherfuckin waves be all flowy n shit? Like...what if we could swallow an entire fuckin' ocean?" Gamzee droned.

"Oh. My. God. Gamzee. THUT. UP." Sollux groaned into his pillow. 

"Nah, man, nah." Gamzee said. "Just, like, let my soothing mother-fucking voice lull you soundly to sleep."

"If you don't shut your goddamn gubbin mouth I will personally come over there and shut it for you!" Eridan hissed.

"Eridan, my man, watch your mother fucking mouth," Gamzee eased again with a hint of creepiness. "What do your fists have against my mother fucking knife here?"

"Whoa, whoa," Karkat poked his head out of the closet. All heads were raised at Gamzee's calm threat on Eridan's life. "Gamzee, you brought your knife? I told you nothing crazy!" 

"Mother fucking best friend," Gamzee protested, "he's a prick."

"That's it!" Eridan roared, leaping up from his bed. In the moonlight Gamzee's knife glinted. Karkat hit the lights and there was Gamzee, his knife on Eridan's throat, his mouth hovering just over Eridan's eye.

"Gamzee!" Dave shouted. "Let's slam!"

Gamzee stopped to look at Dave, planted in fighting stance in nothing but his underwear. He opened his hand and dropped the knife, letting go of Eridan as he did. Slowly, with all eyes nervously fixated on him, he came closer to Dave with his arms open. "A slam," he said said. "And I'll spare him."

"Ohmygod, I knew this day would come. I knew my raps would save lives." Dave muttered under his breath. He spoke up. "Alright, Gamzee, you go first."

Around them, the boys rose from their beds and crept around in a circle, watching the deadly rap-off- the first they had ever had with someone's life on the line. "Ahem." Gamzee cleared his throat.

"Had I never spit before

Would I already be out that door?

Or would I stand my Fucking ground,

Would I pound

You into the dirt

The red of your shirt

Pouring from your throat?

So if I may

My mother fucking bro,

Show me some noise,

What do you got?"

Dave paused in anticipation. His life was literally on the line. Rap for your life, Dave, rap for your life!

"Sit down, clown!" He burst.

"Mother fucking juggalo

Asking what I have to show?

More than you will ever know!

Can the whole world hear me?

Do you fear me?

You're nowhere near me!

Sit back, relax 

The magnitude of my phat rhymes

You're really not worth my time!

My rhymes are obese

I'll wash all that grease

Up out if your hair!

You'd better be scared!" He was practically shouting, scared absolutely shitless as he spat in the clown's face, spitting rhyme a after rhyme in an upbeat flow. He was winning. He could tell by the hopeful eyes all around him, cheering him on. 

"Dare you come up near my friend

Touch that asshole, it'll be your end

It's a miracle you're still alive

I dare you to honk, clown!"

Something in Gamzee's face changed with the mention of a miracle. He stopped cold. He wasn't breathing. Everyone watched in absolute silence. In one instant everyone watched as Gamzee reached out and in the next Gamzee was strangling Dave, slamming him against the wall screaming louder than loud, "blasphemy! Blasphemy!"

"What's going on in here?" Jade shrieked furiously, storming into the room, then laying her eyes upon the soon-to be crime scene. "Dave!" She wailed.

In disbelief the clown dropped him and started towards Jade. His eyes were full of tears and anger, his mouth dripping with what looked like blood. Dave panted against the wall while Karkat checked on him. Gamzee's hand reached out to the petrified Jade, caressing her cheek in the creepiest of ways. His mouth opened.

"Rap, Jade..." Dave choked. "Rap for your life!"

"Rap?!" Jade squeaked. "But I don't know how!"  
Gamzee was inches from her now, his mouth wide open and drooling on her shoulder. He held her gently by the waist and the back of her head, like a lover. He was preparing to take a bite out of her neck, and with a jaw that strong he could probably do it.

"Jutht do it!" Sollux cried.

"It's the only way to get through to him!" Tavros added.

"Jade, please!" Karkat cried. But Jade couldn't. Tavros rushed foreward, trying to tackle Gamzee but only narrowly dodging a knife to the tummy. He kept trying in vain. Gamzee was going after his prey. No one could save her now. Just as his mouth was nearly kissing her neck she cried out:

"You're a really good clown!" She exclaimed in a panic. Gamzee paused. Everyone nodded at her to keep going.

"And...um..." As she stalled Gamzee's surprise faded and he went back. She realized that she had to act fast.

"Whenever I was...feeling down!" She said in triumph. Everyone nodded like a cheer. Gamzee slowly backed away.

"You picked me back up,

Like...um...a happy pup!" She smiled. Gamzee gave her a look like he couldn't believe the words leaving her mouth. 

"Dave didn't mean it,

He wasn't being true

Don't be sad, Gamzee!

We all love you!" She finished. Gamzee stared at her. This was it. The life or death moment. Would he take it? Was she as good as dead?

"Honk." She said hurriedly. Gamzee then threw his strong arms around her and hugged her as tight as a snake. 

"Honk." Gamzee tearfully agreed. "Ho-o-onk..." He cried into her shoulder. Jade struggled not to fall over as she tried to rub his back comfortingly. Everyone joined into the hug and soon Gamzee was being embraced by seven other half naked boys. Jade giggled as boy after boy high fived her. 

"I can't believe you did it." Dave said. "That was the worst fucking rap I have ever heard and it saved all of our lives."

"Aww, come on." Jade faked bashfulness. Dave high fived her. When Jade saw Tavros she gave him an enormous hug, thanking him for his bravery. 

Karkat had never loved her more.


	8. Wal-Mart

"Last night we received several noise complaints, Mr. Vantas. If this continues we will have to ask you to leave." The old woman behind the desk scolded him. 

"Yes, ma'am." Karkat tried his best not to sound annoyed. "Now would you possibly know how all sixteen of us can get a ride to Wal-Mart?"

"All sixteen?" The woman, named Miss Marcie, laughed sweetly. "Why, the only way that I would know how is to ride on the back of a flatbed truck through east Ellijay!"

"Not a bad idea." Karkat nodded seriously at her joke. Dave nudged him. "Any way else?"

"I'm not too keen." Miss Marcie shrugged. "More soda pop, Miss Lejion?"

"Yes purrease!" Nepeta cheered. 

"No thank you." Equius vetoed. Nepeta hissed at him. Miss Marcie smiled.

In the living room of the Ellijay inn, the sixteen kids sat strewn around, chatting and talking and planning. Jade sat as far as possible from Gamzee and Gamzee as far from Dave as could be. Jade used this to her advantage and sat nearly on top of Dave. Sollux was on his third cup of coffee and was still having trouble keeping his eyes open. Feferi roused him sweetly every now and then, nudging his chin up with her nose or something of the sort. Eridan watched her like a hawk, muttering curses to himself every time she touched him. As for Kanaya and Rose, they sat side by side ready to take on the world together, while Vriska watched seethingly. 

Vriska had slept uneasily last night, woken first by the life-or-death rap-off, then by nightmares of being drowned by Rose Lalonde while Kanaya stood by, oblivious to what Rose was doing. This opened Vriska's eyes: she was losing. She was losing to Rose Lalonde, bookworm and professional girl-stealer. She hadn't ever lost to anyone before, even if it meant cheating her way to the top. That mornings now her mind brewed a sickening plot, a disgusting elixir of lovestruck revenge coming to be. A plan to get back at Kanaya. A plot against Rose Lalonde. 

Miss Marcie, the caretaker of Ellijay Inn, tended to them all very well. She found these supposed college kids amusing in their speech and their tales, and it lifted her spirits to be around them. She served them all a breakfast of eggs, toast and a side of grapes. Most of the kids ate heartily, their stomach still sick from Feferi's food choices. Miss Marcie had taken a particular liking to Nepeta, the quote unquote little sister if Equius. She found it cute how Nepeta clung to and snuggled Equius and how Equius held back his irritation and simply stroked her hair like a cat's fur. 

"You could probably get Mr. Hank and Mr. Steamy to lend you their trucks, for a price." Miss Marcie suggested.

"What kind of price?"

"Well, they need an extra hand down at the Body Shop. Any of y'all good with machines?" And then all eyes rested on Equius. Miss Marcie chuckled. "Well, if you give them a hand for a day, I'm sure they'll let you borrow their trucks."

 

"Borrow our trucks?" The man folded his arms. "Sorry, kids, but we don't lend out our trucks to just no one. We'd pay you for your work, but we ain't got much to give."

"Miss Marcie sent us." Kanaya said. That caused a complete turnaround in their truck-lending perspectives, apparently.

"Well why didn't you say so, college kids?" Hank laughed heartily. "Hell, we'll let you use 'em without the work! Just bring em back all mighty-fine."

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you!" Terezi shrieked, hugging the mechanic. "I just can't WAIT to go to a Wal-Mart!!"

"Terezi." Dave said so seriously it was practically a growl. He looked up at the man. "She's from North Dakota. They don't even HAVE Wal-marts where she's from." He lied. 

"My buddy down at the gas station said he met a blind girl the other day named Terezi." He said. 

"Yeah, that too." Dave said. "She's a goddamned prodigy though. She's the only blind person I know who can run, read actual newspapers-"

"Wait, really?"

"Yup!" Terezi nodded. "I can smell the ink formations on the paper. Lead pencil, too."

"Read this here poetry novel, then." Steamy challenged her, handing her a little pamphlet about a beach resort.

"Are you kidding me? This is a pamphlet for Cancun Beach Resort in Mexico." Terezi rolled her eyes. 

"Wow." The two men clapped. 

"Yeah, y'all kids can borrow our trucks, just don't let miss T drive." And as easy as that they were on the road in two pickup trucks, driven by Equius and Vriska. In Vriska's truck, Kanaya drew the lucky straw meaning that she didn't have to sit in the bed of the girls' truck, but in this case it was worse that unlucky. They drive along in silence. In the back, Nepeta clung to Jade for dear life as they rode along. Kanaya could hear Rose laughing.

"Kanaya," Vriska said softly. "May I hold your hand?" She was clearly mimicking Rose, but it didn't hit Kanaya.

"Vriska, I don't think that's necessary-"

"Shut up." Vriska hissed, snatching Kanaya's hand tightly and nearly crushing it in hers. There was a long pause. 

"What's wrong? Not going to say anything?" Vriska glared at her.

"No." Kanaya said.

"Nothing to say?"

"What are you getting at?" Kanaya inquired.

"Nothing, Kanaya." Vriska snapped, shutting her up. And they rode along in silence, Vriska's grip never loosened. 

Meanwhile in the back of the boy's truck:

"W-W-H-O-O L-E-E-E-T E-E-Q-U-I-I-I-U-S D-R-I-I-I-V-E?!" Tavros shouted, his voice bumping up and down as Equius went faster than fast.

"I-I-I-I D-I-I-D A-A-A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!!" Karkat said back. 

"Hith foot ith too much on the pedal! It'th not really hith fault." Sollux said easily.

"H-O-W A-A-A-A-R-E Y-O-O-U-"

"Jutht talk quieter and thlower." Sollux said, leaning back. "It'll work." 

"Oh, you're right." Karkat said. At that moment they were flung at least five inches off their asses and thumped back down. Equius had just slammed over a speed bump at seventy miles per hour. 

"Equius, slow down!" Dave shouted, pounding the window. "That was a speed bump!"

Karkat received a text from Rose.

Wr cclodew!$

WHAT?! (He struggled to type correctly.)

W E ' R E C L O S E. (Rose typed carefully).

GOOD.

"We're close, guys." Karkat reported.

"Closer than close." Tavros said. "We're already there." His finger pointed at a big blue colored building, as big as a warehouse, just a bit below the highway. They all stopped to awe at it- the Wal-Mart staring right back at them.

 

"Okay everyone, we have shit that we need to buy, so-"

"Everyone go have fun for a little bit! Meet back here in twenty minutes!" Kanaya cut Karkat off, and off went the rest of the party.

"Kanaya!" Karkat shouted. "Stop doing that!"

"I thought I was allowed to." Kanaya said. "I am co leader."

"You're like Vice President. Not 'cut Karkat off because you want to'!" 

"Come on, Karkat, have some fun. I think that's also a trial in this adventure." Kanaya have him a friendly wink and ran off to join the rest of the party. 

"I will not!" Shouted Karkat stubbornly before he gave up and followed after. "Ugh, fine."

"Dave!" Terezi called. "Come look at this!" Terezi stood with her face and hands pressed against the cold clear freezer's door, marveling at the deliciousness it held inside. What particularly caught her eye was the circular masterpiece in the box staring back at her. It was topped with Oreos and cherries and crushed candy canes and everything she could possibly dream of. She knew what this was- the legendary, the magnificent, the fabled ice cream cake!

"Whoa." Dave said. "You think that's it?"

"I'm positive."

"How much money do you have?"

"A little over forty."

"And how much is that?"

"Twenty five."

"Grab it and let's go."

On the other side of the store Vriska dragged Tavros around to look at bug repellent.

"Ooh, look at that one!" She pointed at a Raid Ant Repellent bottle, it's logo a sickening picture of a lightning bolt striking an ant on its back, the ant writhing in excruciating agony. 

"Uhh...." Tavros clutched his stomach. "Do we have to do this? Can't we look at something else?"

"Why would you EVER want to look at ANYTHING ELSE?" Vriska cackled. "This is what friends do, Tavros, and you're my friend, so suck it up and look at the dying cockroaches."

"Vriska, you have a sick idea of what friends do together." Tavros said, forcing back down the vomit climbing up his esophagus. 

When Vriska turned to scold him, Tavros was already bolting, his hand covering his mouth. Vriska didn't bother to chase him. 

"Friends..." Vriska muttered. "So much for that idea." She left the repellent aisle, her hands in her pockets, and her heart dissolving in her stomach. Vriska hadn't known a friend in her life, save for Kanaya, and Kanaya had betrayed her. Betrayed her! Vriska thought it over and over again, even though it wasn't true, Kanaya was never in a romantic relationship with her. But to Vriska it was, and how could she help but fall in love with sweet, irreplaceable Kanaya? Kanaya, the only one who took pity and gave her a chance, even though she was the biggest bully this world had ever known. Kanaya, the one who made Vriska really feel good about herself, even though she put on a mask of supreme self confidence. Kanaya, the one who held Vriska when she cried, who kept Vriska from losing her head, who saved her from the vicious beasts of the night more than she could count. Vriska had shared more of her soul with Kanaya than with anyone else. She had told her of the nightmares she had at night, of the emptiness and terror she felt inside, of the lies she told every single day. She had revealed her true self to Kanaya- and every time Vriska broke down in Kanaya's bedroom Kanaya would hold her close, and she would whisper the most loving things into her ears.

"Vriska," Kanaya would whisper soothingly. "You are strong. You are brave. You are beautiful. You must keep going. You have come so far."

"But I can't," Vriska would sob.

"Then I'll hold your hand all the way through."

"But everyone hates me, Kanaya," Vriska sobbed.

"It's never too late to change. When you're ready you can apologize for all you did wrong and come clean. I don't hate you, Vriska. You share a very special place in my heart." Kanaya stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. Vriska held her closer.

So who could blame her for falling in love?

And now without a friend left in the world she tried to make a Kanaya out of Tavros, but she knew it was no use. There would never be another one like her in the world. And Vriska was alone. She was all alone in the world. 

"Is it true anymore?" Vriska whispered to herself. "That she would really hold your hand all the way through? Is there a point anymore?"

To that, Vriska didn't have the answer.

"Equius, purrease!" Nepeta begged, pointing at a cat toy.

"Nepeta, you don't need it."

"But I want it!"

"No."

"Ugh, you're no fun!" She pouted. "You wouldn't even let me cuddle with you last night."

"Nepeta." Equius laughed. "You wouldn't have wanted to be in there last night. All of our lives were in danger."

"Really?" Nepeta's nose twitched. 

"Yes," Equius nodded. "Eridan said some rude things to Gamzee and Gamzee held a knife to his throat. Dave tried to rap with him and made it worse, and at the last minute Jade stepped in to save the day."

"Hurray for Jade!" Nepeta cheered. 

As for Jade herself, she, Rose, Kanaya, and Karkat traveled in a pack to marvel at the things they had never seen before. Such things included beanbag chairs, children's dolls, and fudgesicles. Jade was vexed at the concept of a fudgesicles. She was too perplexed at the idea of bringing together a chocolatey treat and a stick of flavored ice into one. She couldn't understand it. She was transfixed just thinking about it. Fudge + Popsicle = Fudgesicle? Is it just a play on words? Is it like ice cream on a stick? Or is it really just frozen fudge? Is it cheaply marketed chocolate flavored Popsicles? Or is it really...no, it can't be...AN ACTUAL FUDGESICLE?!

Feferi had stayed as far from the meat aisle as she could, refusing to look at her fish friends dead in a freezer. Eridan was ordered by Karkat to keep a distance from Sollux, and as Sollux wandered about with Feferi by his side, Eridan found himself in quite the predicament. How was he supposed to make sure Feferi wasn't hurt if that asshole followed her everywhere she went? He's incapable of protecting her. No one is as capable as Eridan is! No one loves her like he does!

The thing about Eridan is that all he says is good hearted. He really does just want the best for Feferi, because he really does care for her wholeheartedly, but he really doesn't know how to make use for that. When they were seven Feferi was a shivering little grub with no one to protect her, so Eridan took over for her like a personal trainer. He taught her to be strong, to fend for herself, but by the time they were ten he just became too much for her and she tried to break away, which made Eridan pissed. Feferi and Sollux became good friends, and Feferi told him of the constant harassment Eridan did into her, and so Sollux became like a new Eridan, protecting her from Eridan. He was much better at his job, as he didn't try to control her and he liked her just as much. To Feferi it was a relief. To Eridan it was ridiculous. And so became the rivalry of Eridan and Sollux, two kismesi like no others. Or something. At least, that's how everyone else saw the story.


	9. Talk Me Out of Murder-Suicide

Nepeta hugged tightly to the bundled blanket in her arms as Vriska zipped like lightning through the highway. Rose's face was pale white as she white-knuckled the edge of the truck. No one spoke. Even if they did, no one could hear themselves talk. Inside the truck Vriska didn't bother to hold Kanaya's hand. She simply held tight to the steering wheel and contemplated a car crash.

She could do it. She could simply swerve as hard as she could and floor it and boom, everyone would be dead. Rose would be dead. Kanaya would be dead. She would be dead. She'd never have to see them ever again. She'd never feel the turning in her stomach like she did when she heard them kissing each other in the night. 

And then again...

She would fail them. Everyone would fail because of her. She would have killed eight girls and their bodies a mystery to the word, and then their professors would have to go into hiding- it would be all her fault. Did they really deserve that? Was it really worth it to take everyone down with her?

She would never feel the love of a moirail again, would she?

"How was your day, Vriska?" Kanaya asked slowly, practically derailing her train of thought. Did she really just ask that? After the heinous betrayal she had committed? Did she dare?

"Why do you ask?" Vriska said.

"Well, you've never crushed my hand that hard. I fear something may be the matter." Kanaya said. "Would you like to tell me?"

"My day has been just peachy. Sunshine and rainbows. That's all." Vriska lied terribly. Kanaya chuckled.

"That doesn't sound like your kind of day, Vriska." Kanaya smiled sweetly. "Why, a truly peachy day to you would be...something along the lines of...spiders and cobwebs?" She guessed with a giggle. Normally Vriska would have laughed, but with all the horrid thoughts of murder and suicide rushing through her head she simply broke down and began to cry.

"Aww, Vriska, Vriska, what's wrong?" Kanaya cooed.

"Tell me why I shouldn't wreck this car right now." Vriska hissed through her tears. Kanaya stopped cold.

"What?" She said right back. 

"Tell me!" Vriska snapped from her throat.

"For one thing," Kanaya said hurriedly, "you would die."

"Is that a problem?"

"Yes, a huge problem!" Kanaya said. "We need you, Vriska, because as a decoy you're very important to this team! If you die, we fail."

"Then why don't I kill everyone in this car? I can do that."

"Vriska, if you're asking me to talk you out of murder suicide I can do that for you very easily." Kanaya said.

"Do it."

"Let's start with murder." Kanaya took a breath. "These people are loved. They've never seen the outside world. They would be missed. To kill them is to inflict horrible heartache on the eight left behind. Is it really worth it? Have they so wronged you? Could your feelings not be settled by a sit down talk?"

"I can't handle a sit down talk." Vriska said through gritted teeth.

"Then I'll help you! I'll hold your hand and coax your words out. I'm always by your side, Vriska."

"Tell me about suicide. Why not suicide?"

"Because you are loved. You are so loved."

"Bullshit. By who?"

"By me, for starters!" Kanaya said. "You're my best friend!"

"What about Rose?"

"Rose is something else entirely. I love her just as much. But that doesn't mean you're not special. You will always have a spot in my heart, Vriska. And in everyone else's."

"BULLSHIT! EVERYONE HERE HATES ME!" Vriska suddenly screamed, her hand pounding the dashboard. 

"Liar!" Kanaya screamed right back. "You can be a huge bitch, but everyone here loves you! They've grown up with you! How can they not? I bet no one here could imagine life without you."

"Fine. Ask Karkat. Then we'll see."

Karkat. (Kanaya texted under the close watch of Vriska).

WHAT.

Could You Imagine Life Without Vriska?

SERIOUSLY? THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW? OH GOD. DID YOU KILL HER? IS SHE DEAD?

No! But Do You Care For Her?

OF COURSE I DO. BUT IF YOURE TRYING TO SET ME UP WITH HER I SWEAR TO GOD.

Why? Tell Me Why You Care About Her.

SHE CAN BE A HUGE BITCH BUT SHE CAN ALSO BE REALLY NICE. SHES VERY USEFUL AND EVEN THOUGH SHE FUCKS THINGS UP SHE CAN BE A GOOD LAUGH. SHES ALSO RIDICULOUSLY SMART. ARE WE DONE NOW?

"See, Vriska?" Kanaya said. "Karkat cares for you! So does everyone else! Do you believe me?"

"Enough not to wreck this car." Vriska sighed.

"What's wrong, Vriska? What's going through your head?"

"Have you ever been betrayed, Kanaya?"

Kanaya was taken aback. "Why, yes, I have."

"Who? Who betrayed you?"

"It was...when we were thirteen. We were playing that competitive game of Paintball, remember? For the prize?"

"Go on."

"I had teamed up with Eridan. He wanted me to keep a close eye on Feferi, and in exchange, would offer me a truce. I led him to Feferi, and while we hid in the bushes he told me that I was no longer useful and shot me. He had used me, and because of him I lost that game. When I complained to Dirk when I received my punishment, he told me that playing dirty wasn't against the rules. In fact, if you cheated, you got extra points. I was mad for weeks."

"So you know what it feels like."

"What are you getting at? Have you been betrayed?"

"Yes, in fact, I have!" Vriska yelled. 

"By who?"

"You!"

"Me? What have I done!"

"Try Rose Lalonde."

"Oh my god."

"Yeah."

"You saw us? Who have you told?"

"No one."

"I find that hard to believe."

"No one! You betrayed me, Kanaya! You're my only friend and you betrayed me."

"Vriska, we were never in a romantic relationship!"

"Yes we were! You know we were!"

"I have red feelings for you, yes, but that doesn't mean that we were ever dating!"

"I held your hand."

"Once, in the woods."

"You kissed my forehead."

"When you were crying when we were nine."

"I loved you!"

"So did I, Vriska!"

"But you chose her."

"I did."

"Why? Why her and not me?"

"Because I feel that you would be better a friend than a girlfriend. I'm sorry, Vriska, I just didn't think it would work out. And with Rose, I did. It's not because she's better than you or because I love her more, but because I just think she's more compatible romantically. I'm sorry, Vriska. I didn't want you to know because I knew you would be hurt. It wasn't right for me to keep it from you. I'm sorry. But you're my best friend. You're the best friend I will ever have. I will never do this to you again, I'm sorry."

"You're not my friend." Vriska said. "Just my therapist."

And that was that. They spoke no more.

 

Back at the Inn things were chaotic. In the living room of the Inn poor Miss Marcie rushed around feeding sixteen hungry teenagers arguing with each other. Terezi and Dave shared bites of what was left of their ice cream cake with their friends. For the most part, Nepeta was entertained by the cat toy Equius had caved and bought her as she sat in the corner. Equius checked on her every now and then, to which she would complain of her hunger and beg him for some cake or gummy worms. Equius always refused, and was partly guilty for doing so, for he knew that Nepeta really was hungry but he didn't want her to get sick eating all that sugar. Karkat and the rest of the group argued endlessly over food, money, and what they would eat for dinner that night.

"Is this what it means to be an adult?" Rose asked Kanaya with a hint of sadness. "Never thinking past tomorrow? Always concerned with our empty stomachs?"

"No," Kanaya shook her head. "This is what it means to be an impoverished adult. I think our professors wanted us to have a taste of that life."

"I fear you may be over analyzing." Rose chuckled. Kanaya smiled wearily.

"I may be." Kanaya's legs were still quaking from the panic Vriska caused in the car. Had she really betrayed her? Was Vriska really just overreacting? Or had she really messed up? She needed someone to talk to, quickly. But who? She really didn't have a person that she thought she could tell anything to. Not even Rose. She was too afraid to tell Rose that Vriska had threatened Rose's life- what if Rose panicked? This is all my fault, Kanaya thought. I need to fix this.

"Kanaya." Standing over her with his arms crossed was Mr. Grumpus himself. Kanaya looked up at him.

"Yes?"

"Will you talk to me?"

"Yes, of course." Kanaya nodded. Karkat exited into the hallway, Kanaya on his tail, her hands shaking behind her back.

"What's going on with Vriska?" Karkat asked seriously.

"N-nothing."

"That's an order, Kanaya. What happened?"

What was the right thing to do, Kanaya wondered. To tell Karkat would be to admit her feelings for Vriska and her relationship with Rose, and what would he do then? Scold her? Or worse, tell someone? But not to tell him may be a threat to everyone, because if Vriska wasn't dealt with immediately then she could hurt someone, or worse, hurt herself. They couldn't fail. They needed this freedom, this escape from the secluded world they had lived in for so long. 

"Vriska was threatening to kill everyone in the truck." Kanaya admitted reluctantly.

"What?!" Karkat said loudly.

"Shh!" Kanaya said quickly. "She was really losing it."

"Over what? What's going on?"

"She was...she was betrayed."

"By who?"

"...me."

"Excuse me?"

And so she told him. She related unto Karkat all of her feelings for Vriska, what happened at the library, and everything Vriska and she had said in that car. And Karkat listened very patiently as tears welled in Kanaya's eyes, for she was embarrassed. She was embarrassed for letting romantic drama fuck things up and cause all the girls on the trips a close scrape with death. She was embarrassed to spill all of her secrets to Karkat, because Karkat never listened, and to her he had no emotion save for anger. He wouldn't understand. But she still told him. She told him everything as she choked back her tears.

"This?" Karkat finally questioned. "Vriska almost killed everyone...over this? Over some petty love triangle? Are you fucking with me right now?"

Kanaya shook her head.

"Why the fuck are you crying?"

Kanaya shook her hand again.

"Kanaya...follow me." And Karkat led her back into the boys room out of sight of everyone and Kanaya swallowed her tears to follow him. And when they were in there Karkat removed Kanaya's hands from her face and around him to hug him, and he hugged her tightly. Kanaya was absolutely bewildered by this forced and begrudging embrace, but she went with it until he let go.

"Do you feel any better?" He asked impatiently. Kanaya nodded. He rolled his eyes and raised his hand. 

"I solemnly fucking swear on my life and on everyone else's, on my mother's, if I have one, not to fucking tell anybody about your stupid romantic shit. Satisfied?" Kanaya only stared. "So what are we going to do about Vriska?"

"You're the leader, you figure it out."

"You're the co leader, you help me with this shit. If she goes too crazy she could hurt someone. I have a solution, but you're not going to like it."

"What?"

"Give Vriska what she wants."

"What does that mean."

"Dump Rose. Go out with Vriska."

"Absolutely not!"

"Told you so."

"Do you have ANY other solutions?"

"No. We need to act now, so if you don't have a solution, then get one, fast."


	10. Chapter 10

Ignoring the imbecilic arguments inside, Vriska had taken shelter outdoors. She wasn't really the outdoorsy type- like a recluse, she took better to a damp, cold, dark place alone. She preferred solitude above all else: just herself and her thoughts. But not even the outdoors, as much as she hated them, could relieve her of Kanaya's words spinning in her head. Rose, more compatible as a romantic partner? Please. Any fuckass could be compatible with Kanaya. Even that dick, Karkat. But Vriska and she were special. Vriska had entrusted the entirety of her soul to Kanaya, and Kanaya to her. Who could possibly be more compatible than she who had grown up by her side, who had loved her for years?

So why Rose?

Did Rose have something she didn't? She must be a pretty good kisser. But Vriska's a damn good kisser herself, everyone knows that. She's practically kissed everyone here at least once, and no ones ever complained. Most people kissed back. What about good looks? Was Rose better looking? No- that's bullshit too. With the elegance of a spider spinning her web, Vriska was dead sexy in anything she wore. She slayed in a skimpy little white gown, killed in her summer pajamas, and absolutely murdered in her casual attire. Yes, though manipulative, Vriska was gorgeous. She had it all- a very attractive way of licking her bottom lip, a killer elegance to her strut, and a deviously sexy pair of eyes. Not to mention a supermodel's figure. Yes, Vriska grinned, I'm so hot it should be illegal. I am 128 pounds of illegal contraband, pure fucking euphoria in the form of one attractive underage girl. So it wasn't looks. 

What did Kanaya see in that bookworm? Rose was quiet. She was calm. She made a joke now and then, and granted they were always funny, but she never really got active. In tough situations she never panicked, she never raised her voice and she never went so fast she fucked up. Rose had never fucked up like Vriska- not once. She'd never injured someone so bad they screamed in horror, she'd never lost her mind and nearly choked someone to death, and she'd never gotten into fist fights with the teachers, or anyone, for that matter. Rose had never started a fight. She had never screwed up. 

So that's it.

I fuck up too much, thought Vriska. 

Fine.

Whatever.

Don't fuck up.

I can do that.

Easy.

Fucking.

Peasy. 

"Vriska?" A soft voice behind her. It was welcoming, beckoning, good natured and motherly like Vriska had never felt before. But it was just her name, one word, warming her heart like that. For the first time in a while, a human voice didn't make her stomach churn.

"Hmm?" Vriska turned and saw her- Rose. In the state of mind that she was she would have sprung, attacked her, beat her senseless screaming at the top of her lungs. But something held her back- Rose's smile. It was like the smile of a AT&T employee- or any chipper employee, for that matter. It wasn't weak or weary or forced- it was just a smile. A smile that said, no need to fear, my intentions are good. Vriska didn't smile back. 

"Do you have a minute?" She asked, shutting the inn door behind her. Vriska nodded silently. "Good. Will you take a walk with me?"

"Will you stop asking questions and just state your business?" Vriska glared. Rose's smile melted into an expression of surprise, but quickly took home upon her lips again. 

"Sure I will." She smiled. "Let's head up this mountain." And Rose led the way, her long pink skirt sweeping at her ankles. Forgetting her promise not to fuck up, Vriska snatched a sharp rock and followed. 

"So, Kanaya told me what happened in the car." Rose said, her back turned so that Vriska couldn't see her facial expression. Vriska said nothing as they climbed higher. "And I would like to say that she and I are both sorry that you feel betrayed by our actions. We really are. Our intentions were not foul, we can assure you, but the outcomes that they have caused are, and for that we apologize. We didn't mean to, is what I'm trying to say. Anyway, that is what we would like to say, but I have come to talk of what I would like to say on the matter."

"Oh?"

"Yes." Rose nodded with a small smile. "Do you recall what you said in the car before the long silence that followed?"

"You're not my friend, you're my therapist?" Vriska quoted herself.

"Exactly."

"And what about it?"

"It's not true."

"Excuse me?"

Rose turned to look at Vriska with a grim face. "Kanaya is not, and had never been, your therapist. And please, don't take this the wrong way, but don't you dare ever say that again." Vriska was absolutely taken aback. Rose had never shown herself like this. She was always quiet. Staying out of trouble. Calm. But this was stirring up a hurricane inside of Vriska, and she knew it! She knew it! "The relationship between a patient and his or her therapist," Rose continued. "Is under no circumstances the relationship you share with Kanaya. A therapist does not love his patient like Kanaya loves you. A therapist would not dare embrace their therapist, not even in their hour of need. A therapist serves as a voice of reason to those who need it, as a conscience to those without. A therapist does not love their patient. And Kanaya loves you. To disregard that fact is to disregard the friendship you have with her, which is to disregard one of the strongest bonds you will ever have in your life. To tell her that she is not your friend is to throw away every tender moment you have ever shared. Kanaya has held you, protected you, and yes, has served as a voice of reason, but not solely. Kanaya has loved you like no other, and her love for you is one that cannot be matched by anything I can put out. The bottom line is, she loved you, Vriska. She still does. And I know that inside of you, no matter how hard you have tried to bury it beneath hatred, you love her too. And if my relationship with her is getting in the way of your connection with her, I will happily remove myself from the equation."

"What?" Vriska questioned.

"You heard me." Rose said seriously. "If need be, say the word and I am gone. I will terminate my relationship with Kanaya."

"Why?" Vriska asked, unbelieving.

"Because your connection is like something I have never seen." Rose said. "I have seen a lot, and nothing even compares with your relationship. There is a strong love there. A strong, tough love that is too beautiful to be destroyed. And if I am to be the weapon with which it shall be demolished, I do not want that. So I will go on your signal."

Vriska paused. This could be what she needs- to get Rose out of the way without any bloodshed. But who's to say? Who can say that Kanaya would forgive Vriska for ending her relationship with Rose to be with her? What if Kanaya doesn't really care for Vriska? If she doesn't then Kanaya will just go slithering back to Rose to kiss her some more and blow Vriska off. This won't work, no matter how much Rose really cares. She needs to be gone. For good.

Without warning Vriska pounced, snatching Rose by the hair and covering her screaming mouth as she dragged her up to a big rock wall, her sharp rock in hand. Rose chomped down hard on her finger and Vriska let go to curse. Rose glared knives at Vriska. "Let go of me!" She roared, "what are you doing?!"

"I appreciate your concern." Vriska said shakily, raising the rock. "But I can't have you around at all. It's just not going to work. I'll try and make this as quick as possible. Game over, Rose...goodnight." She raised the rock high in the air as she forced Rose to look up. 

"This isn't what you want!" Rose screamed, stopping her. "Kill me, and Kanaya will never forgive you. Kill me, and everything you've ever had with her is gone. Kill me, and it's game over for YOU."

"Liar." Vriska mumbled.

"I speak only the truth." Rose hissed through gritted teeth. "Please, Vriska...if you let me go, I'll never come near her again. She's yours. I promise." She was begging now. Begging for her life. "Please, just let me live. I don't want to die yet. I haven't seen enough. I haven't worked so hard all my life to die at fifteen, please, please don't kill me!" Vriska didn't want this. She didn't want to be the one playing god, with the blood on her hands. To hear a victim begging for her life set her knees quaking and her hands clammy. But she couldn't let her go now. She was too far in. 

"I don't trust you." Vriska said.

"Please, I promise!" Rose sobbed. She was crying. Crying for her life.

"I'll let you live." Vriska caved. Rose let out an enormous sob. "But to be sure you never look at her again...I'm going to have to do this to you." In an instant Vriska had her pinned by the neck with her foot. Rose wheezed and gasped for air. Vriska raised her rock high in the air, aiming just above Rose's wide, teary eye. Vriska stuffed her shirt in Rose's mouth her her to bite on as she threw the rock down with all her might.

With a muffled scream and a sickening splurch Rose's eye filled with blood and horrible agony. Down came another blow, this one digging out her ruined eyeball. Rose screamed and screamed, shutting her eye tight to no avail.

"Almost done." Vriska told her, raising her bloody rock to begin work on the other eye.

"No!" Rose spit out the shirt, suddenly shoving Vriska's foot off of her and bolting for her life. Vriska chased after her, hot on her tail, swinging her rock like crazy. I can't let her get back to the inn, Vriska thought. If she does I'm ruined. Blind in one eye. I'm dead. They'll kill me, I can't die. I can't die yet. But Rose had already made it, hurling herself down the mountain at top speed, running as fast as she could to the Inn. A scream lodged in her throat she threw open the door and called Kanaya's name.

Everyone screamed. Miss Marcie fainted. Half of Rose's face was covered in blood, the other half white with terror. Her eye socket was a bloody pit spurting red liquid. Rose was crying as she begged for help. "Help me!" She screamed. "Help me! She's coming!"

"Who?" Kanaya cried, rushing to her side. 

"Vriska." She spat with a tone of hatred. "She did this to me. Help me, please, don't let her touch me!" But Vriska was already in the doorway, out of breath. She looked around at the horrified faces and Miss Marcie's body on the floor. Rose tucked herself into Kanaya's arms. Of all the faces of terror and hatred staring back at her, Kanaya's was the worst. She looked at Vriska was hatred, rage and fury like she had never seen before. Kanaya was a whirlwind of dangerous emotions just begging to explode in her face. 

And then came her voice.

"Get out." She said so quietly Vriska could barely hear. 

"W-What?" Vriska trembled. 

"Get OUT!" She screamed, stomping towards Vriska. "Get out, get out, GET OUT! Get out of here! Don't you ever come back! Don't care what we had before, I never want to see you again! Get away from me! Get away from all of us! GET OUT!" She roared like a hurricane, screaming so loud and so strong it brought tears to Vriska's blue eyes. Everyone in that room quivered. No one said a word as tears fell from Vriska's face and she fled. Out into the woods, never to return again. Kanaya stared at where her body once stood for a few seconds until she collapsed, crying into herself. No one said a word. Kanaya whirled back to look at them. "Don't look at me!" She screamed. But they kept looking. "Have you no respect? Get out! All of you, get out! Leave!" Rose fainted on the floor. Glares shot Kanaya's way as Equius moved to pick her up. "N-no...I didn't mean..."

"You made this mess." Karkat said softer than anyone had ever heard his voice. "You. Fucking. Fix it." And Kanaya was off, tears streaming down her face, out into the oncoming night.


	11. Spider Lesbians

"She's losing blood, and fast."

"Get her on the bed!"

"Put a towel down first, fuckass!"

Equius put his strong stomach to use as he laid the unconscious Rose into a girl's room bed. Without wasting a precious second he cleaned his hands and demanded the first aid kit Karkat had purchased at the Walmart. Getting started with a pair of tweezers, he held open Rose's eyelid and sought out the remaining pieces of Rose's demolished eyeball. He plucked out piece after piece and rested them on a paper towel. Then, he said, it was time to remove her tear ducts. He pinched the little pink bulby thing in the corner of her eye and pulled, tearing it out and uprooting it. (1T 5H0U1D B3 N0T3D TH4T N31TH3R TH3 4UTH0R, WH0 15 50 T0T411Y N0T R0W, N0R 3QU1U5 H4V3 4NY 0PT1C M3D1C41 KN0WL3DG3, N0R D0 TH3Y KN0W WH4T TH4T L1TTL3 P1NK BU1BY TH1NGY 15 4CTU411Y C4113D. TH4NK5, K33P R34D1NG!) when all of her 'eye guts', as Eridan called them, were all out and all that remained was a bloody socket Equius cleaned it with hydrogen peroxide and wrapped it in ace bandages. 

It was then that they noticed that Nepeta was missing.

Meanwhile, Kanaya was losing it. "Vriska!" She screamed into the vanishing light. "Vriska, come back! I didn't mean it!" Didn't you? A voice in her head asked. This is all your fault. All of it. And now she's gone. Forever. "Vriska!" Tears poured from Kanaya's eyes as she tore through the woods, tripping over rocks and roots and ledges. "Please, come back!" You did this to her, Kanaya. You double-crossed her, two-timed her, backstabbed her and now she's lost it, now she's gone, and it's all your fault! "Vriska!" Kanaya screamed louder, trying desperately to block out her own mind, but to no avail. You did this to her, it seethed. Why are you crying? You don't care about her. She don't cry for her or the pain she must be feeling. You only care about yourself.

This is it, Vriska thought. I've turned everyone against me because I'm jealous, I'm stupid and now she hates me. My only friend is gone. I'll never see her again because I let my jealousy get out of hand and now I have nothing left. Nothing but this rock. She grinned to herself as she looked over a steep hill below. One good bash to the head with this rock will send her tumbling straight down into hell where she belongs. She raised her rock, pulling back and preparing for the blow. And then she head her name. Well, a variation of it. 

"Vurriskers, why are you doing this to yourself?" Behind her crouched Nepeta. Sweet, lovable, naïve little Nepeta here to kiss her wounds all better. 

"Nepeta? How did you-"

"I escaped when Equius wasn't looking and I followed you up here." Nepeta explained. 

"Aren't you scared of me?" Vriska asked. "I blinded Rose. I could do the same to you."

"You won't though." Nepeta said. "Right now your scared and you just need a furiend." Before Vriska could stop her, Nepeta had wrapped her arms around her and she was hugging her, snuggling her and filling her to the brim with warmth. Vriska started to cry again and Nepeta didn't stop holding her until she stopped. "I understand you, Vurriskers. I know why you did it."

"You do?"

"Mmhm. You got scared and acted too quickly and made a really big oopsie. Equius told me that everyone makes mistakes and sometimes they're big mistakes but you can't feel bad about them furever. Of course, he said it a billion times in a really boring voice." That made Vriska laugh and hug her again. "We don't have long."

"Huh?"

"Kanaya's coming for you."

"W-What?!" Suddenly she felt a pang of fear, she felt the tumble below beckoning to her. She pulled away in a panic. 

"Wait, I'm not done." Nepeta said. "She's coming to say she's sorry.

"What?"

"Yes, Vurriskers. She didn't mean what she said."

"I can't. I'll mess up again. I know I will."

"I'll do the meowing. All you have to do is hug her when I says so, ok? Watch for my signal. The signal is- CA-CAW! CA-CAW!" Vriska nearly doubled over laughing. 

"Vriska!" Kanaya's voice called faintly.

"Cmon, Vriska. Let's fix this." Nepeta led her into the night.

 

Everyone, including poor frazzled Miss Marcie, sat anxiously in the living room of the Inn. No one had ever seen Equius so distressed. He paced about, sweat soaking his shirt and slicking his hair, tapping endlessly on his phone. He sent text after text to Nepeta demanding her whereabouts, but no response came. "Has everyone sent at least two texts to her?"

"You've already asked that, you perspiring idiot, and yes, we've done all we can." Karkat rolled his eyes. No one else spoke. No one really believed that Nepeta or Kanaya would return- they had been gone for hours. To their knowledge, Vriska had slaughtered them again. Karkat regretted what he said. He knew what he was doing when he told Kanaya to fix it. It was a death sentence. But she didn't deserve it. There was no way to fix this. She had told her to go. Go and never return. He didn't mean to kill her. The blood was on his hands, too, now.

"Equius, please, rest." Miss Marcie pleaded shakily. "I'll make you some tea. Have some cookies. Let me get you a towel."

"I will not rest until Nepeta's safe return." Equius refused.

"Fathe it man, the's dead." Sollux said. "Dead, dead-"

He was interrupted by a knock at the door. Then in walked Nepeta, holding the hands of Vriska and Kanaya, tears on all three faces.

"Nepeta." Equius breathed.

"I saved the day!" Nepeta cheered, raising two triumphant hands.

"Get away from her!" Equius commanded. "She could have killed you out there! What were you thinking?!" But Nepeta didn't even hear him because she had run into his arms and he had scooped her up and hugged her tight and safe. "Nepeta," he said, kissing her forehead, "don't ever do that again."

"No purromises." She replied, cuddling him. 

"Miss Marcie," Vriska addressed her. "I think it's time we come clean. Karkat, will you please get the tool?" Karkat nodded. 

"So that's it." Miss Marcie said blankly. "You're all fifteen year old orphans on a scavenger hunt. Three of you are lesbians and one of those three is a psychopathic spider lesbian who stabbed another lesbian's eye out to get the third lesbian's attention. It all makes sense now." She laughed. "My oh my."

"Unfortunately, now we'll have to erase your memory." Rose said. Miss Marcie's smile disappeared. "Don't worry, you'll remember everything and everyone, just not us." She nodded. 

"I'll sure miss you sillies." She said. "I'm ready."

Rose raised up 'the tool' to her eye level and clicked a small blue button, generating a flash in her open eyes. "We're sixteen twenty year olds staying until three thirty a.m. tomorrow. It's totally acceptable and you feel the need to give them one hundred and fifty dollars."

"Rose!" Feferi cried. Rose grinned as Miss Marcie smiled and walked to the cash register at the front desk. 

"I cannot believe that works every single time." John shook his head.

"The art of placebo, my friend." Rose said, her one eye winking.

 

END OF ACT ONE.

>;]


	12. Little Bro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> N0T1C3:
> 
> 50 1 H4D N0 1D34 TH4T TH15 CH4PT3R W45 H34V1LY FR4GM3NT3D UNT1L L4T3R. S0RRY. H3R3'5 TH3 FU11.
> 
> -T0T411Y N0T R0W

Sixteen fifteen year old (supposed) orphans sat patiently in one big huddle in the chill of the wee hours of the morning. Though they were all very tired from being roused suddenly in the night, the sleepiest among them was always the littlest one, a kitten named Nepeta Lejion, and today was no exception. She hadn't been able to keep her eyes open past a solid three minutes before she blacked out, face down on the concrete sidewalk before her. And so, like many times before, Equius held her in his arms like a baby, keeping her warm and safe from harm...or at least, from another faceplant. 

Another among them was a certain Aradia Megido. Aradia happened to be the lightest sleeper anyone had ever seen. Her eyes were always dead as she was, and it was rumored among them that the most she slept in a week was a maximum three hours. But that was just a dumb rumor. However, it wasn't far off. "The dead don't rest," Aradia had always said, "and do I look alive to you?" She sat very close by Sollux, who barely even noticed her whilst sitting next to Feferi, who had little time or patience to notice him whilst sitting next to Eridan, who nagged her like a mother.

"I told you, Fef, but you didn't listen. Bring a coat! You knew it would be fucking bone chattering out here." He mumbled.

"It's not that bad." Feferi lied stubbornly. "And as my own woman I don't need you to remind me."

Sollux grinned, taking pleasure in the fact that she wouldn't have even been able to say that if it wasn't for him. She would have been far too scared. As a little compliment, he gave her hand (that yes, he had been holding prior) a gentle squeeze. He was answered with a duplicate with the same amount of affection. 

Between Sollux and Eridan however...

Their relationship to each other is one black as the oncoming night. Black as the fur of the wolves that are responsible for the bloody carcasses of children found eaten in the woods. Black as the pupil of your eye. It's been like that for a long, long time. Way before Feferi was even a part of the equation. But it wasn't always like that. Once upon a time their feelings for each other were a very pale red, a red in the palest of shades: moirails. It's a long story. And it all began-

But there's no time to explain because all up out of nowhere a wild bus appeared!

Terezi gasped, in what her peers thought was surprise, but it was actually disappointment. She gaped at the bus, her mouth wide open, gasping. "That's the greyhound?" She asked. "Why is it so lame?"

But the real surprise was the bus driver. The man behind the wheel opened the door and stood up to face his baffled audience. His eyes hidden behind a pair of opaque black triangular shades, a baseball cap holding down wild blonde hair, and one hand casually resting in his pocket and one limp at his side, professor Dirk, home economics teacher, master of irony, surprise emergency drill official and puppet enthusiast, stepped calmly off of his bus and before his students.

"So," he said with a toothy grin, "who died?"

"Rose, almost." Terezi answered. Rose showed off a huge bandage covering her empty socket. 

"Impressive," he nodded.

"Was that ironic?" John asked.

"Sarcastic." Dave corrected.

"Correct." Dirk said. A long pause of total bewilderment and silence kept them quiet and Dirk inpatient. "Why are you looking at me like I'm a genetic mutation or something?"

And suddenly he was swarmed by his students, all hugging and grabbing at pieces of him- his jacket, his jeans, his shirt- and laughing happily. Dirk laughed a little at this warm ambush of arms and torsos before he spoke again. "Alright, come on, let's get going." One by one the students piled onto the greyhound, carefully choosing seats with each other for the ride. Nepeta and Equius of course sat together, Nepeta raising up her armrest to lay across the two seats, her head nestled in Equius's lap. He stroked her hair gently as he could and tucked loose strands neatly behind her ear. Nepeta purred sweetly, yawning and dozing off. Things were not as easy for Sollux and Feferi. Feferi chose a window seat and patted the seat beside her for Sollux to join her. As Sollux was about to, Eridan made his presence known. 

"Not so fast." He hissed like a snake, narrowing his ocean blue eyes and giving Sollux a push to the chest.

"What the hell'th your problem?" Sollux rolled his eyes behind his shades.

"As I've said before," Eridan said, "you're a bad influence on Fef."

"I think it's her job to decide who she spends her time with." Sollux said calmly, his arms crossing across his chest. 

"Um, excuse me, kismesi?" Karkat rolled his eyes. "You're holding up the aisle. Do I need to sort this out myself?"

"So I see you picked a leader?" Dirk raised an eyebrow. Karkat nodded proudly before turning back to his situation.

"Sollux next to Fef. Eridan in the far back or far front." Karkat said. And with a huff Eridan stomped away. Dave and Terezi struck like glue. Vriska sat with Tavros, and Rose sat with Kanaya. Gamzee joined Eridan in the back, and John chose a seat across from Jade. And Jade sat with Karkat. Karkat, of course, was baffled by this move. Why, of all places, would she sit next to me? He wondered with a roll of his amber eyes. Before he knew it Jade was smiling at him.

"Hello Mister Leader." She smiled warmly. "Sure is exciting, isn't it?"

"Um," Karkat blushed angrily. "Sure. Whatever."

Dirk gave him a grin and a nod. He jerked his head subtly in Jade's direction. Karkat flushed and glared knives at Dirk. Dirk just smiled and turned back to the wheel.

"Everyone all ready?" He asked.

"Yes." A cacophony of affirmative answers answered him, and the bus quivered as he fired it up. Without a moments notice they were off. And every teenager found themselves fast asleep.

 

Karkat was the first to wake, roused by Jade's hand over his, her fingernails pricking on his hand. He opened his eyes to glare at her. "What are you-"

"Shh." Jade scolded him. "Look." She twisted herself around to point at Dave and Terezi. Their armrest was picked up, and they were clearly cuddling. Terezi's head was resting wholly on Dave's shoulder, and Dave's head lightly on hers. Their hands were holding together in Dave's lap. They crouched behind the seats when they realized that Dave was awake. They watched him lift his head sleepily, look around to make sure no one was watching, and then plant a tender kiss on Terezi's forehead. Terezi happened to wake at this. She gave him a sweet smile and nestled her head in the crook of his neck. Dave kissed her again on top of her head and went back to sleep on top of her head. 

Jade twisted back around with a smile wider than the Grand Canyon. She giggled to herself. "Aren't they so cute, Karkat?" She whispered. 

"No. As a matter of fact I couldn't give a shit." Karkat rolled his eyes. Jade shrugged and looked back ahead. 

"So you managed to survive a couple days alone, eh?" Dirk said, his voice shakier than it had ever been before. From behind his glasses his eyes watered in fear. Jade looked at him quizzically. He gave a weak smile. "I love you kids. More than I've ever loved anything else. Make sure you tell them that, leader." He told Karkat. "And Karkat, don't waste time being afraid of the outcome. Just do it, okay? One day it'll be too late."

"Why are you telling us this?" Karkat asked. Dirk laughed, but it sounded more like a sob. 

"I love you all," he said. "So, so much." He cleared his throat suddenly. "You did well for a couple days. Let's see how you do with a car crash." With that they sped up ridiculously and Dirk swerved hard, the bus crashing over and smashing into many other cars. In an instant the morning was caught in flames. There was screaming. So much screaming. Karkat acted fast, kicking open the emergency window and getting everyone awake and safe. One after one they filed out of the window. Momentarily Karkat rushed to the wheel to see Dirk. There was a knife lodged in his esophagus and a blood soaked letter on the knife. In tears Karkat snatched it and rushed out of the bus before it got to hot in the flaming bus. Almost out of sight and led by Kanaya, the students hurried into the woods. Kanaya motioned him to follow. 

"Knife," panted Karkat, "a knife in his throat." 

"What?" Dave asked hurriedly,

Karkat coughed out a cry. "It was suicide."

"What?!" Dave cried. 

"He stabbed himself in the throat and left a note." Karkat said. "It's addressed to you." He handed him Dirk's last letter. Dave snatched it and opened it hurriedly.

 

Dave,

I know you wonder where you came from. I wonder that, too, sometimes. I only found out when I was twenty years old. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner. 

You were never born. At least, not in the traditional manner. 

To understand what I mean you will have to know where I come from. Where we all come from.

Jake, Roxy, Jane and I weren't really born, just like you were. We were experiments of a few ectobiologists reclused from society. While that sounds cool, it really wasn't. The four of us raised ourselves, while also being constantly experimented on. When I was fourteen my DNA was sampled and used to make more ecto-fuckers like myself. And you were what came of me. 

As you may have guessed, John came of Jane, and Jade of Jake, and Rose of Roxy. 

At fifteen I found you four alone in the hallway of the facility I was in. I realized what they had done and what awaited you, and I decided that I didn't want that for anything else. So with the other three of you and the rest of my band of ectofreaks, we escaped the facility. And we ran away. But not before finding the twelve others. 

They were reject babies, all with their names on their toe tags, left to die in the cold. We took them with us.

We found a collection of broken down abandoned cabins and we squatted in them, raising ourselves and you, making a life for ourselves. We worked for everything that was ours. And we raised sixteen little rejections to be the strongest, funniest, best little brats that I've ever met. 

But we were found. We sent you off so that you would never be taken back to that filthy place. 

Jake and Jane and Roxy are dead. They died peacefully. But someone had to warn you kids that you're being followed. You're being tracked. I drew the short straw.

Briefly...

You're on your own now.

Dave, you are the closest thing I will ever have to a son of my own, and I have raised you as such. I'm not your dad. I'm just your bro. I have never loved anything or anyone like I love you, and I never will again. I love you.

Don't give up just yet, little bro.

-Prof. Dirk.


	13. Funeral

"Do you...want to talk about it?" Terezi asked quietly. 

There was a long, long silence between them. The wind rustled around the sixteen. They huddled together in a circle, their knees curled up to their chests, their eyes casted down into the dirt in front of them. No one cried. Not even little nepeta.

Dave and Terezi stayed far from the group, side by side, shoulder to shoulder. Dave hadn't spoken since he read the letter, which was nearly two hours ago. As he read the words Dirk had written for him his jaw clenched, his hands trembled and quaked like a bone shattering explosion had happened inside him. His friends watched, terrorized, their hearts sloshing in their guts. No one had ever seen Dave- calm, cool, collected Dave- so distressed. So distraught. From behind his opaque shades slid tears glistening in the moonlight. He clenched the letter tightly before throwing it down on the grass.

"Dave?" Terezi asked. 

Dave staggered back, holding his gut with one hand and his other hand cupped over his mouth. He shivered, making little noises like whimpers and squeaks, sniffling and hacking, until finally he couldn't take it and he turned on his heels and bolted- bolted -from the scene. Terezi fled after him, her legs going as fast as they could carry her. As soon as she was close enough she sprung, tackling him head on and, out of sight from the others, they skidded far. Dave writhed and squirmed beneath her. 

"Shh, shh," she hushed him hurriedly, pinning his wrists, feeling his body heave breath beneath her. He panted, tears dripping down his face, until finally he was calm and she let go of his wrists, and rolled onto her side next to him. He rolled over, hugging into his chest, in complete silence. Terezi carefully reached out a hand, very gently touching his soft blonde hair. She wiped a tear away with her thumb. And for a long, long time, they were silent. Finally, Terezi asked the question. Dave didn't answer her. She heard him suck in a big breath and slowly allow it to escape from his lungs, his chest slowly lowering back down, his twisted mind at ease. He moved his hands, which lay palm-down on the soft dirt, onto his stomach and overlap. He looked up with his big blue eyes and looked up to the stars.

"He really was my big bro." Dave said softly, almost as soft as the kisses the wind on Terezi's cheeks. "He used to...he used to short sheet my bed and pour honey in my shoes. One time he superglued my hands into fists when I was nine."

"I remember that." Terezi giggled. "You were so mad."

"Yeah," Dave felt a smile take home in his lips. "He had to melt it off. And there was that one time when he locked me in my room with three tarantulas. I think Vriska helped him with that one." Terezi laughed. "You know...when I read the letter, I wasn't actually that sad. I was just scared, you know? I was scared to be what I am- a genetic mistake. I was scared knowing that the place I grew up in is gone, and that I can never go back, and everything I left behind I would never see again. And I was scared to be alone. I've been training to be independent all my life and still...I'm scared."

"I am, too." Terezi shivered.

And then there was silence as they stared up into the sky, watching the whole universe from their spot beneath the trees. The trees shielded them like a mother's warm embrace, the mother they never really had. "Terezi." Dave said, his voice no more than a breath, the syllables slipping from his lips and spilling out into the air around them, her name dancing around in the wind, like a kiss on the forehead. "Look at how small we are. How insignificant. Just little specks, tiny little cog wheels in the big machine of the universe. We're just...tiny. So tiny."

"I think this is what growing up is about." Terezi said. "Being small. Being scared. Not necessarily getting bigger. Just...terror. Beautiful terror." Dave took his hand from off of his stomach to hold hers, entwining his fingers with her nimble, soft ones.

"Terror." He repeated. 

"Dave? Terezi?" A feminine voice called through the forest. Dave sat up, taking back his hand. He strained his ears to hear two feet lightly scuttling through the leaves on the ground. "Come back now! We need you!" Dave rose to his feet, and Terezi right behind him, as they followed the voice back the way they came. (It was Nepeta's voice, of course- who else but the little feline scout?)

"What is it, Nepeta?" Dave asked when they found her. Nepeta didn't answer, but her mouth drooped into a frown as she turned around and scuttled away, Dave and Terezi on her tail. She led them into the space they had camped in, while the sun rose a fire blazed. They all stood around in a circle, all hands holding, and a big smile painted on Aradia's face. Equius held out his open hand for Nepeta to join him, and she did willingly, her paw resting in Dave's hand. Dave gently held Terezi's hand and Terezi held Vriska's. Aradia cleared her throat and painted an even bigger smile on top of her previous one. 

"As the destined Maid of Death, I hereby call to order this funeral." She smiled. Dave looked at her like she was the devil himself. "We hold our hands together to ensure the prevention of any evil spirits ruining this moment that our Professor Dirk passes onto the next life. Now, in order to wish him well in his next life we'll all go around the circle to say what we love about our Professor Dirk. It can be absolutely anything, just so long as you believe it and it's real. I'll start." She cleared her throat again. "Professor Dirk, you were really, really smart and funny. I didn't understand most of your irony but I still laugh, and it always feels real when I do. You protected my friends and I respect you for that. Thank you so much, professor Dirk. May you become a big happy animal and sass the faces of many more as you do. Now it's your turn, Tavros. What would you like to say?"

"Me? Um.." Tavros wobbled on his feet. Aradia gave his hand an encouraging squeeze. Regaining his self confidence, he looked up. "I didn't know you well, Dirk, but from everything I've seen you were really one of a kind, weren't you? I-I mean, I always sort of...you know, looked up to you. I mean, I didn't idolize you, but the self-confident version of myself that lives in the back of my heart, now that I think about it, really resembles you. Like a lot. I admire you, I guess. So...yeah. Jade?" 

And so it went on. Jade tearfully confessed a childhood crush and always trying her hardest to be the best in his classes. Karkat quietly complimented his handiwork on the countless shirts he ripped fighting his friends and the many times he had come crying complaining of a torn doll. John thanked him for the pie he made him on his birthday, because he knew that he didn't like cakes. Vriska called him witty and adorable, and though most people didn't believe she meant it she did. And finally it was Terezi's turn to try. 

"Pro-Professor Dave?" Terezi stammered. "W-Well...I guess...he was funny. He was nice. He was tough on us, I mean, but he was a great teacher. He taught us well. I wouldn't have survived if not for him. None of us would. We would all just be rejections. Monsters. Trolls under the bridge. That's all. But with him we weren't. With him we were kids. Not regular kids. We were the cool kids. The kids that could fight an alligator. The kids that walked tightrope over a raging river. The kids that literally had to survive with no clothes for a month at twelve years old. Professor Dirk made us them. Dirk was all of our cool uncle. Or whatever. And we love him for it." She looked at Dave. 

But Dave had nothing left to say- Terezi had said it all. But everyone was watching him, and how...how ironic would it be should he have nothing to say. He grinned. Irony. Isn't that great. "He was my bro." Dave said and turned to Nepeta. Everyone was stunned- that's all? They thought. But Dave felt inside him, a sense of achievement, like that's what Dirk would have wanted him to do, and forgetting the moment the group continued with their funeral until finally it circled back to Aradia and she spoke again. "And thus concludes our funeral. You may now drop hands." And all hands rested at their sides. "Karkat will now take over this meeting."

"We need to know what to do next, people." Karkat jumped right in. "We need to fucking figure shit out."

"The letter," Rose said. "Do we still have the letter? It might be the next clue."

"Our professors don't tend to be repetitive."

"Didn't." Kanaya mumbled. "Past tense. They're dead. They don't tend to do anything anymore."

"Shut up." Karkat glared. "Our next clue is in Atlanta. It's about a twenty mile walk from here. At the same pace we can cover that in about, what? Six hours?"

"But where are we supposed to go?" Eridan answered. "Atlanta is glubbin' enormous."

"I think we can find that in our letter." Kanaya said. "Read it over again. I've noticed a few things."

 

"That's incredible."

"You honestly noticed this? We're you not paying attention to anything he said?"

"Seriously. Wow."

What Kanaya had found in that letter, when she flipped it over and put a match up to it, revealed a secret message of questions. Riddles.

The thing about these riddles was that they asked questions, specifically, so that those who knew the answers would have to answer riddles of their own to speak them aloud. There were three of these questions.

 

At what point does a friend become an enemy?

When does a third party destroy a friendship so strong?

Who's fault is it?

 

Of course, no one knew shit about what Dirk meant. Eridan had other ideas.


	14. Idiot

No one had seen a better duo than Eridan and Sollux. They were the kind of friends that would immediately lock eyes across the room at the mention of a two-person-project. Although they never even memorized it they had a secret handshake so secretive they only did it in the boys bathroom down the second hall or cabin two. When Eridan just knew he was going to fail a test he would beg Sollux to help him chest, and instead Sollux would pay John to make a cake for him and they would cram the entire night long. They had saved each other's lives so much it had become a game, and after every close shave they would turn to each other with a grin and say, "your turn.". For their birthdays (which they shared with fourteen other kids) they gave each other the stupidest present they could think of. Eridan's best was an empty Cheeto bag. Sollux's best was a black leather journal. 

Upon opening his present Eridan was immensely confused. Last year Sollux had literally given him a huge dead fish- this one actually looked nice, like he had put thought into it (the both of them actually put thought into every one of their horrible gifts, thinking which one could earn them the biggest laughs). So what was this? Wait, Eridan thought, maybe it's filled with horrible jokes or insults. Maybe he superglued the pages! But as Eridan flipped through the crisp, clean pages he found that, no, this wasn't a joke. This was an actual, serious present. He looked up at Sollux who was grinning proudly. "It'th a diary." He told him. "Thince you're tho methed up in the head I thought you could uthe it." Eridan remained completely baffled. "And that'th the thing," Sollux continued. "No one getth to read it but you." He gave Eridan a wink.

Eridan looked down at Sollux's gift to him in one hand and the present he had prepared for Sollux in the other. Sollux had caught him completely off guard- was he really supposed to give him a dead rat after the nice gift Sollux had given him? What the hell? This wasn't fair! Not fair at all! Eridan looked up at Sollux, his purple eyes flooded with panic as he turned on his heels and sprinted away, clutching tight to his diary and throwing his dead rat to the side. He blasted out of the door, bolting back to his bedroom and slamming the door, locking it tight. He slumped against the door, panting as he hugged the diary to his chest. A lightbulb flashed over his head as he realized something.

"Write down my thoughts, huh?" Eridan muttered. "It's worth a shot."

After twenty minutes of scribbling down frantic, panicked thoughts of his friendship terminating with Sollux and how their tradition had abruptly come to a halt and every single reason why Sollux could and should be mad at Eridan Eridan found himself calming down, his heartbeat slowing back to its normal pace, his lungs allowing him full breaths again. But all of that changed when the doorknob to his room jiggled. Eridan's heart skipped a beat as he looked up in terror. And then he realized that he wasn't in his room.

In his panic he had turned right instead of left, locking himself in a room full of pink mobiles and seashells and stuffed cuttlefish. He scrambled on his feet from the door, which was now knocking at him.

"Hello? Who's in there?" Demanded a whimpering female voice.

"U-um..." Eridan shuddered. Hide. Hide. Hide. Hide somewhere! 

But it was too late, because the lock had been picked, and open swung the door. And there she was.

Feferi Peixes and Eridan Ampora stared in silence. Their brains shut down as their eyes locked. Eridan had never been more scared of a shivering, tiny little eight year old. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and she turned and ran, slipping down the hallway. And something inside Eridan forced himself to run after her.

Feferi was a painfully slow runner, even at top speed, so before she got anywhere heart the door Eridan had caught her by the wrist. "Hey!" He shouted. Feferi screamed and writhed under his grip. In her panic he snatched her other wrist and forced her to look at him. "What are you doing?"

"Water YOU doing?" She shrieked.

"If someone's in your room, you don't run away!" Eridan scolded her. Feferi stopped wiggling. She stated back at him.

"What?"

"Honestly, Fef." He sighed. "And quit the water works. I'm not going to hurt you." He dropped her wrists and raised his hands. "I just took a wrong turn, that's all."  
"Y-You know my name?" Feferi asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" Eridan rolled his eyes. Feferi looked away and bit her lip. Eridan sighed loudly. "You really are some mess. Happy birthday, Feferi." And he began walking away. 

"W-Wait!" She cried as he reached the doorway. He turned back to her. She held her hands behind her back. "Y-You're the only who... who actually knows my name."

"What about Dirk?"

"He...he doesn't count." Feferi said. "I...I don't have any...friends."

"Well, water ya telling me for?" Eridan glared.  
"...I...I don't know, I just..."

"Drop the act already." Eridan groaned. "You want me to be your friend? Fine! Done."

"R-Really?"

"Sure." And he began walking away again.

"Wait!"

"What now?"

Feferi ran forward, ensnaring him in a lobster-trap hug, her face buried in his little-boy, scrawny chest. "Thank you...for being my friend."

And who should be waiting outside for Eridan but Sollux?

"Hey, Eridan, what the heck wath that? Ith everything okay?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. Eridan meant to make the words come out, but he couldn't. If he could just get out a "nothing's wrong. This is Fef", nothing would have gone as south as it did. "Who'th the?" Sollux gestured to Feferi, but Eridan was already dragging her away.

 

The third of July (as recorded in Eridan's diary): When a third party destroys a friendship so strong.

 

Over the course of three years Eridan and Sollux rarely spoke again. Sollux asked over and over what had happened that eighth birthday, and Eridan didn't respond with anything but a side eye. It was like a game that went too far, and it's players were too stubborn to apologize to one another. Sollux sort of shrugged it off and moved on, but Eridan became too focused on Feferi to pay attention to anyone else. He acted like a mentor to Feferi, teaching her self respect and confidence, and Feferi fell in love with extroversion. Once she was confident enough to make a joke at dinner, she found that she could make people laugh. It was like cooking- follow the recipe and you'll have a very nice time. With a compliment she earned smiles, and with an interesting conversation she earned a stronger bond with that person than she had before. Feferi's insecurity and anxiety had completely cured- it was a 180 degree turnaround. Everyone was stunned. Feferi became popular, known as the sweet fish girl, and next, known as Feferi- the sweet fish girl. Everyone knew her name.

Eridan didn't really know how to have a friend after Sollux. He rigidly through that his bond with Feferi was only to improve her, to protect her, but Feferi no longer needed it. She, however, was totally fine being friends with Eridan. Eridan took that as an "You are no longer useful to me and therefore I would like to terminate this strong bond and downgrade to a petty little friendship." In a desperate attempt to reconcile what they once had Eridan admitted to crimson feelings for her, to which Feferi said that she didn't see him that way, and insisted on friendship. Needless to say Eridan was crushed. He stormed away, leaving a confused Feferi to shrug off the awkward encounter and go back to class.

Eridan came at her even stronger with his nagging- it seemed that every little thing she did was scold-worthy. Eridan's actions began to dissolve any hope for a real friendship- and the self confidence he had helped Feferi to build. Feferi found herself feeling stupid, like she had to be perfect to avoid Eridan's scolding. She was tormented by him, and she tried her best to be perfect, but no one is. Soon she lost the will to try anymore and reverted back to the uselessness she felt before. Everyone wondered what had happened to Feferi, the sweet fish girl. When Eridan would scold her she would cry and run, and Eridan looked like the bad guy. He just didn't know when to stop.

And one day there was a collision in the hallway.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Feferi yelled at herself tearfully as she tore through the halls, ripping at her clothes and pinching her arms until they bled. Without a moments notice she turned the corner and slammed head-on into Sollux Captor.

"Watch where you're going!" He hissed, until he noticed that the crying girl had toppled over and was curled into a ball on the floor. "Hey, whatth wrong?" He asked, touching her arm. She pulled away. "Feferi?"

"Leave me alone. Just go away." She said sorrowfully. Sollux stood up.

"You're not thtupid, you know." He told her.

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"No. ...Hey!" She shouted with a laugh. Sollux laughed with her. 

"Maybe you are kinda thtupid." He smiled at her. "Funny-thtupid. Like everyone ith." Feferi looked down. "You wanna tell me why you're crying?"

"Maybe." She said. "I dunno..." She sat up, hugging her knees. 

"Can I convinthe you with...uh, I don't know...candy?" Sollux shrugged. Feferi burst out laughing. 

"Creepy." She remarked. Sollux smiled. 

"You know, I honethtly don't know why you're tho down on yourthelf. You really are ath nithe ath everyone thays you are. Whatth wrong?"

"It's Eridan! She blurted out. "He...he always yells at me about the littlest things. I...I don't know what to do."

"Eridan'th an idiot." Sollux blurted out. A knot tied in his stomach. He shook it off. "He...he'th jutht an idiot, that'th all. I'm tired of him, too."


	15. Question Number Two

To Sollux, Feferi Peixes was the most beautiful girl he had ever met. He admired everything about her- everything from her shy appearance that she slowly shed down to her stupid nautical puns. After she moved on from Eridan and onto Sollux, the 180 she had done redid itself, and she was back to front her usual bubbly self. Sollux accompanied her in everything that he and Eridan used to do together- projects, sports, even the simple things like just sitting together at dinner. Feferi was careful not to act like a ball-and-chain, and in turn Sollux was careful not to push her away. They were as close as he and Eridan had once been, and yet somehow closer. 

The two years this went on was torment for Eridan.  
Eridan was lonelier than he had ever been, friendless, and though he knew it was all his fault he denied and blamed the entire thing on Sollux. He was lonely in his every day, and nothing could console him. He grew to hate Sollux, and longed for Feferi's sweet smile with his every walking moment. The first few weeks, he cried every night. He didn't know what he had done wrong. All he ever tried to do was help. And so he tried to help more.

He followed Feferi, nagging her constantly like he usually did, but this time she had a bodyguard. She was prepared. When he tried to talk to her Sollux would immediately tell him to back off, or to get lost.

You see, Sollux hated Eridan just as much. He just didn't obsess over it. 

He didn't know why, on their birthday, that he just decided he didn't like him anymore. Why he ditched him for some crybaby girl. It didn't add up. And in the three years that Sollux was left alone, it was hell. He was just as hurt as Eridan was when it was his turn with Feferi. It was like a tango with three people- one person is always waiting in the bleachers. 

It went on like this for two years before Eridan punched Sollux.

It was way early in the morning. The kids had just been shaken awake by the alarm blaring and were rushing outside in their pjs for drill laps. The morning sun had barely risen. Clouds shrouded the sky. The rains of the night before made the ground sloshy and wet. Not to mention, it was cold. Eridan was NOT a morning person. And for days before that he had waken up feeling potentially lovely, perpetually human, suspended and open and he could take no more. As he lagged behind the other sleepy runners ahead of him he concentrated only on the mud in front of him, carefully avoiding bogs of mud that would send him slipping. He skillfully avoided them all- all but one, that is. He slipped comically and with a loud SPLAT landed face-first in the muck before him. His head ached enough, he thought. Wiping the mud from his eyes embarrassingly he opened his eyes to look up at Sollux and Feferi, their hands holding.

Something that happened set his mind spinning, letting off a click on his head that sent his gears turning. Out of nowhere he got the idea that Sollux had pushed him and this was his fault, all his fault. He glared furiously at Sollux, his body quaking with rage, and he spit blood from his mouth as he sprung up, tackling Sollux. He went at him completely, the punches flying, blow after blow on Sollux's face. Sollux was too startled to do anything. Finally Eridan lost it and snatched the black glasses off of his face and snapped them in half. Feferi, and everyone around them gasped. Eridan had just revealed Sollux's biggest secret- his eyes were a blank white.

He had pupils and irises, but they were invisible- clear colored. 

He was a monster.

As Sollux covered his eyes, Eridan stood up and threw his snapped glasses aside. He turned to Feferi. "Who's going to protect you now?" He snarled. "Not that stuttering little dipshit."

(You gotta remember, these kids were twelve.)

"Back off." Feferi snapped. 

Eridan stepped back in surprise. 

"Don't hit him." Sollux muttered.

"I can't promise that." Feferi growled.

"Don't." Sollux said sternly.

"You son of a puffer fish!" Feferi burst suddenly. "You no-good squid-loving mother-glubbing fish-fucking ass-licking son of a BITCH!" She screamed at the top of her gills. "I swear to Jegus Crist if you EVER do something like that again or call him that I SWEAR, Eridan! I'll drown you in a bucket of grub sauce, cut off your tongue and jam out your eyes with it! Because what you just did was a no-go, Eridan! S! O! Fucking! S! BERMUDA! MOTHER! FUCKING! TRIANGLE!! Cross me again, I DARE YOU!"

The morning stood still. The only sound that could he heard was Dirk Strider's boots clumping on the floor, crushing leaves as he approached the stunned Eridan, the terrified Sollux and the enraged Feferi. He sternly walked up to Fef, inches from her now, and gave her a toothy grin. With a pat on her shoulder, he congratulated her. "Sick. Fucking. Burn." And then he was gone. 

 

July seventeenth, five years later: when a friend becomes an enemy. 

 

And then there's the last question. Who's to blame?


	16. Rise of the Ecto-Mistakes

The very next morning Sollux was shaken awake by Eridan.

The first rays of dawn were peeking through the trees, the stars yawning tiredly, their light dimming. The moon began to far away into the sky, which became brighter by the minute. The deep indigo of the summer's night sky was paling into a deep, ocean blue. In one big cluster of sleeping bodies, the ecto-mistakes (as they had begun calling themselves), slept peacefully, strewn about with blankets and pillows and big jackets covering their bare skin. In Equius's strong arms lay a sleeping Nepeta. In a straight line, Vriska, Kanaya and Rose slept side by side, confusing everyone with their three-way matespritship. Jade slept like a puppy near Tavros, who's hands unconsciously clung to the shirt cloth on his stomach. Even Karkat had a sleeping partner- he and Gamzee Makara slept near enough to be considered a cuddle. The only one who had slept that night alone, no one near him, was Eridan Ampora. 

He sat on his heels, carefully shaking Sollux awake. Sollux blinked upon his bland white eyes and looked around, his eyes finding Eridan's blue ones looking down on him. He flashed a glare. "What're you-"

"Shut up." Eridan cut him off. "Hurry up and follow me." He then rose to his feet, looking directly down at Sollux, propped up on his elbows, and swiftly walked off, his cape brushing the top of Sollux's nose as he did. Sollux, with a roll of his eyes, put on his glasses and kicked off his blanket. As he was about to sit up a hand gently rested over his. He looked over at the beautiful girl sleeping beside him, her glossy black hair falling over her shoulder as she slept on her side, her bag used as a pillow. She had moved her hand in her sleep, reaching for Sollux's, and she had found it. As she slept her nimble fingers curled around his hand, ensnaring his hand in a sweet, warm trap. He slipped his hand from her and a frown crossed her face. She made a little noise as she scrunched up her face and her fingers crawled like a spider's legs over the spot where his hand used to imprint the dirt. He smiled a little and, to reassure her in her dreamy state, he traced her jawline softly with his open hand. Her face relaxed, and a tiny smile crossed her lips. He tucked her hair behind her ear and resisted the urge to plant a little kiss on her forehead as he rose to his feet, his shoes already on. He followed after Eridan, who by this time was well out of sight. He hurried to catch up.

Eridan had stopped at a fallen tree, sitting upon its trunk and flipping through his black diary. Sollux approached him carefully. "What do you want?" He asked grimly. "Why did you wake me up?"

"The third of July, 2007." Eridan answered with the slight his tongue. "Followed by the Seventeenth of July, 2012. From what I understand those digits are 07032007, 07172012."

"What th' hell do you mean?"

"I'm talking coordinates." Eridan glared at Sollux like he was stupid, like he should have understood. 

"For Atlanta?"

"No, for Cairo, Egypt." He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Atlanta."

"Okay, what are you talking about?" Sollux snapped loudly.

"Does July 3rd, 2007, ring ANY bells? Eridan said.

"2007...that wath our eighth birthday, right?"

"Yes."

"Oh, I get it." Sollux folded his arms. "When a friend becomth an enemy? You honethtly think Dirk ith talking about uth?"

"Us and Fef, yes." 

"Thatth tho thtupid, why would Dirk be talking about uth?"

"Because those coordinates are exactly pinpointed at..." He tapped a bit on his phone. "237 Lafayette Parkway, zip code 30306. Midtown, Atlanta."

Sollux was a bit taken aback. "So we have the first and thecond quethtion done, right, what about the third?"

"Who's fault it is?"

"Yeth."

"It's your fault, obviously." 

"What?!" Sollux seethed. "YOU shut me out! Thith ith your fault! Ever thince you thtarted hanging out with Feferi you-"

"It's not my fault! If it weren't for your stupid dumb birthday present I-"

"My fault?! For giving you a DIARY?! You thtarted hating me over a diary?!" Sollux practically screamed.

"I didn't hate you! It was Feferi!" Eridan countered. "She fucked everything up because she glubbin' disposed of me all of a sudden and acted all fuckin' helpless around you and-"

"Don't you dare pin thith on her!" 

"Who the fuck is out there?!" Karkat's voice called from afar. For a moment Eridan and Sollux stopped screaming at each other and stared blankly. Eridan gave him a look, spit at him, missed, and started back toward the camp. Sollux followed him reluctantly.

 

"Well, we found our location." Kanaya said, looking over the coordinates on her gps. "It's an old house. Big. Lonely. Hidden. It's been previously bought out by...hold on...Daniel Strider."

"That's Dirk, alright." Dave nodded. "He never was too good at incognito mode."

"So we got directions." Karkat folded his arms. "How did you figure it out?"

"I have my ways." Eridan answered.

"How do we get there?" A voice asked.

"Foot, I guess." The answer.

"Too slow. We need food and water. The rest got burned."

"Hitchhike?"

"It might be the only way. The money must be at the house. We need it now."

"Stick to the college kid story?"

"Affirmative." Kanaya said. "Let's go."

 

In minutes they were packed, their blankets beneath their arms, Nepeta piggybacking on Equius. As the sun rose and began its steady climb into the sky they hiked back to the road, where the rubble and scraps left behind by the wrecked bus still lingered by the side of the highway. Cars raced and whizzed by, and the sixteen kids stood by the road their thumbs out, as they were passed by car after car. The Doppler effect wore itself out so much that Karkat grew to despise the zooming sound that followed each rejection by the road. That is, until, they lucked out. Barreling down the highway was a flatbed truck, eighteen wheels and all, practically screaming deus ex machina. They leapt up in air, begging the truck to stop, their hands franticly waving until- yes! It was slowing. Coming to a halt. Karkat dashed up to the passenger side and threw open the door, panting out his gratefulness and his situation. After thoroughly baffling the truck driver the kids climbed aboard the flatbed and clung tight to the ropes securing the bed. They barreled along. 

Vriska laughed wildly, her legs kicking over the side as she leaned back and let her hair fly. With a mighty fist pump she let out a long drawl of laughter. She felt it, adrenaline, coursing through her veins. Her muscles relaxed as she felt the laughter in the pit of her stomach, loosening her soul and liquefying her very being. Daring girl, she raised both hands in the air and kicked both feet, balancing on her sitbones. "Woo-hoo!" She sang out, a crying of victory, encouraging those around her to join in her laughter. Nepeta let out the roar of a mighty tiger and faced the racing cars behind her, on her knees, her legs spread. Tavros clapped and laughed. All the rest seemed to join, daring each other to stand up on two feet and cheer. Feferi took it a step further and bounced up and down, her black curls flapping at her back. Yes, they thought, we've been through a lot of shit. But this is where that all turns around. This is our time! This is our world! This is the rise of the Ecto-Mistakes!

And yet, this was only the beginning.

 

In celebration Kanaya persuaded Karkat to authorize a night's adventure in big Atlanta Georgia. Quoting Karkat directly Kanaya gave everyone permission to do whatever the fuck they want, as long as they don't turn up dead. This, of course, was exciting news to a group of fourteen other teenagers that had never ventured outside of their secluded little home in the forest. And when you let loose a bunch of teenagers unto a city shit is bound to go down. Hiding inside their new home was a case of 20,000 dollars cash, and Kanaya fairy dealt out a cut of the money to each of the sixteen kids, which, ended up being 1,250 dollars apiece. And off they went, out into the night, to go buy BB guns and pints of ice cream and other shit they don't need. All, that is, except for Eridan.

Eridan stayed home.

His room wasn't big- but it was alright for him. He didn't much care. His room consisted of a twin bed with old gray sheets, a pair of dusty curtains, and a nightstand. The floor needed sweeping. The corners needed de-bugging. The ceiling needed patching. But Eridan was simply too tired to start. In a cloud of choking dust he flopped onto his bed, wrapping himself up in the ratty old sheets, and for the first time that trip he began to cry.

He didn't know why, exactly. It had been a long time since he cried. But reading through his old diary entries that day had made his stomach turn, to think that he could have done something so awful to someone so close to his heart, even if they had broken each other. He buried his wet eyes in the gray sheets and curled up, crying when no one could see him.

 

july 17th, 2012

diary-

i did somethin glubbin awwful today. i really did. i don't wwanna see tomorroww anymore.

i fought wwith sol today. i just...i glubbed up. i fell and i thought he pushed me wwhen he didn't and so i hit him. and then i took off his glasses. and noww evveryone knowws wwhat he looks like. wwhen wwe wwere kids i promised him i wwould keep it a secret and i didn't. i embarrassed him in front of evveryone. it seemed right at the time, i don't knoww. i glubbed up, you knoww?

and then fef stepped in to protect him and...and i really think she's done with me. we're over.

i'm alone now.

if sol evver reads this, i'm really glubbin sorry. i acted in the moment and i didn't knoww wwhat to do. i really do hope that someday wwe can patch things up and be friends again. i knoww it's nevver gonna go back to how it used to be but...i really miss howw it used to be. i don't wwant to choose betwween you and fef. 

i don't think I really havve that choice anymore.

 

Watching him from his doorway as he cried, a clown videotaped his tears. With a sad, concerned look, the clown decided that it was time to fix this. He might be the only one who could.


	17. Sollux and Eridan, Eridan and Sollux.

A week proved to be prosperous for the sixteen. On Karkat's order they all applied for weekday jobs and began making extra money. A chart was drawn and hung on the refrigerator, labeling the jobs-of-the-week, which were randomized at the beginning of the week. Gamzee had drawn the job of making dinner and buying groceries, which, in hindsight, was a horrible idea. However, Makara himself was thrilled with the responsibility. He had never made food before. Yes, he thought, I will prepare the most miraculous of feasts, fit for the high subjuggulator himself. The grocery stores of the Peach State's Capital were like jungles to him. The grocery list in his hand was a treasure map. Each trip to that store was an extravagant quest. 

His dinners were, in reality, not as bad as everyone would have thought. They were, however, incredibly weird and alienish, and very sugary. Not once was water poured into a glass. No, Gamzee said, tonight, and the next, and the night beyond that, we will drink only the wickedest of elixirs. This magical drink he spoke of so dreamily was no more than a 3-liter-bottle of Faygo Redpop. But his comrades knew better than to desecrate his holy ideals. One by one they shakily thanked him for his work. Gamzee had never been prouder.

Through his drunken eyes he could see smiles on the faces of his friends, and being the modest clown he was he assumed it due to his magnificent meals. And yet, he saw a frown on the face of another. Behind large framed glasses he saw tears soaking into a blue-and-darker-blue striped scarf. This wouldn't do. No, sir. So he followed Ampora around with his camcorder like had so many times before, sneakily videotaping his every teardrop. And one day he decided that enough was enough. He needed to put a stop to this black romance for he could see it go on no longer. He needed to patch things up himself, for the two he saw were not brave enough to do it themselves. And he couldn't seek help of the girl, the one who caused it., but she would later play a major role in the reconciling of a past pale-red-romance. 

He retreated to his den, as he called it, and with an old computer he purchased and a VCR data converter he pieces together a magnificent video compilation, a summary of the best moirails this world had ever seen. He stitched together a beautiful patchwork masterpiece, full of the ups and downs of their lives. The innocence of their love had even brought tears to his dry eyes. And finally, he stitched in the rockiness and the burning of the mightiest bridge. The destruction of their love, brought upon them by an innocent little girl who only needed a friend. And finally, it was finished. A smile crossed his face as he burned the CD, for he knew that the miracles would be able to help him. A truly amazing night was bound to follow the setting of the sun. 

In what he called an emergency he hurried everyone into the TV room, locking all doors behind him. There was no escape now, he thought, hiding the key. "Friends," he opened his arms, "I am afraid I have lied to you all. There was no emergency. But now, now I need you all here. And no one will be leaving, for all the motherfuckin exits have been sealed. There is no escape."

"Gamzee?" Kanaya questioned, her eyes burning. 

"Why did you lock us in here?" Karkat groaned. "When can we leave?"

"We can leave in a minimum of seven minutes and thirty mother Fucking seconds." Gamzee said exactly. Kanaya blinked.

"What are you talking about?"

"A few of us need...a bit of helping, you see." Gamzee grinned. "So I put together a mother fuckin feast for the eyes that will help us all along, and you will all watch it."

"That's it? You want us to watch a short film you made?" Dave asked. "That's fine by me."

"Just as long as you keep your promise." Vriska said. "Dibs on the couch!"

The sixteen followed her lead, snagging seats on the couches and seats around them, on the floor and the backboards. Gamzee, proud of their cooperation, retrieved his disc carefully from his pocket and skid it into a DVD player. Hitting a few buttons here and there and standing back, the sixteen watched from the eyes of a shaky camera bouncing about in a room so familiar to them. It was in their tiny gym, where they held their birthday celebrations. Around them, kiddy versions of the Ecto-Mistakes ran rampant, dashing around and laughing wildly. A little Kanaya flew by the screen, a Christmas bow stuck to her forehead.

"Vriska!" She cried. "You get back here right this inistant!" She mispronounced. The older Kanaya laughed at herself softly, Vriska nudging her with a snicker. The camera ran foreword, coming right up to a particularly grumpy birthday boy- a little nubby Karkat. He blushed angrily and folded his arms. 

"What do YOU want?" He groaned.

"Best friend!" The camera boy cheered. 

"Yes, Gamzee." His hands moved from his chest to his hips.

"Fish face and my bee-bro are gonna do themselves a mighty fine game of-"

"English, please."

"Eridan and Sollux are gonna play some taggity-tag." Gamzee said. "You wanna play?"

"No, I don't want to-" 

"Yes you do, come on." The little Gamzee dragged Karkat by the wrist. The camera cut ahead to a depiction of Eridan chasing after Sollux, Sollux laughing. Eridan sprung forward, a cry of victory leaving his lips. "You're it!" He laughed. Sollux turned on his heels. 

"I'm it!" He shouted.

Vriska and Rose scattered away from him, Kanaya right after them. Gamzee began running away, honking with glee, but he didn't get far before there was a this behind him.

"Uaagh!" Sollux cried. Gamzee turned, looking at the little boy who fell flat on his face. Dave laughed. "Waaaaaah!!" He wailed, catching sight of the blood spilling from his nose. "Eridan!"

Eridan came running. "Ewww!!" He shrieked. Sollux scrambled away from himself, hysterical at the sight of his own blood. He started screaming. "Help me!! Help!!" A tall-ish, slender woman hurried over, handkerchief out and ready. Jane Crocker caught him, holding him from behind, shushing him and covering his face with the cloth. 

"You're alright, you're alright." She cooed. Eridan ran over.

"Professor Jane, is he gonna bite the bucket?" He cried.  
"It's either kick the bucket or bite the dust." Jane laughed, "and no, he'll be okay. It's just a nosebleed." Sollux sniffled. Feferi smiled at the older Sollux, squeezing his hand. 

"You sure were a crybaby." She giggled. 

"Thut up, I wath five." Sollux smiled.

The camera cut again. This time they were in science class with professor Jake. Eridan and Sollux smiled brightly at the class, only eight years old. Sollux nervously pulled out a crinkled sheet of paper. "Hello." He stammered. "Me and Eridan-"

"Eridan and I." Kanaya corrected from her desk.

"Shut up!" Eridan defended his friend. 

"We did our chemistry product on making explosions!" Sollux said.

"Boom!" Eridan added. 

"We're gonna burn some hydrogen!" 

"Wait, what?" Jake cried, but the match was already lit and hovering near the solid hydrogen. 

"Ohmygod." Rose covered her mouth as an explosion threw back the camera and lost connection. Another clip followed, one of Sollux and Eridan being rushed to the infirmary. Eridan weakly clasped Sollux's hand.

"Gamzee." Eridan breathed. "What is this?" Gamzee only smiled. Following that clip were other shorter clips of Sollux and Eridan, best friends. Sollux and Eridan leaping into the lake from a dock, hand in hand. Sollux and Eridan playing a girly hand-game. Sollux and Eridan leaping up and down in front of the class, screaming out their multiples of five. Sollux unconscious, Eridan at his side with tears in his eyes. Eridan unconscious, with Sollux screaming at Gamzee to go away. They got progressively older. Closer. Their smiles seemed to grow bigger in each clip. The entire sixteen was dead silent, watching Gamzee's clips.

"I forgot you guys were this close." John murmured.

"We weren't." Sollux denied the obvious.

"Sure you weren't." Jade teased. "And Karkat isn't grumpy." Karkat flushed. 

On the screen, Sollux and Eridan posed for the camera. They were seven years old, and they had dressed up as each other on Halloween. They held two big signs. Eridan's read, "Sollux and Eridan". Sollux's read, "Eridan and Sollux". They laughed and smiled at the camera. 

"Sollux and Eridan, Eridan and Sollux." Tavros read.

"Shut. Up." Eridan glared. 

The next clip was quieter. Sollux pressed a black book into Eridan's hands with a smile. "No." Eridan said loudly, "Gamzee, turn it off." Little Eridan was flipping through the pages as Sollux talked. 

"Gamthee, turn it off!" Sollux shouted.

"Shut up, both of you!" Kanaya scolded.

"No, I'm not watching this!" Eridan cried, burying his face in his knees. "I'm not watching this!"

Little Eridan turned and ran, Sollux calling after him. "Eridan!" He cried. "What did I do?! Whatth wrong?!"

Sollux stared at the screen furiously as another clip cut foreword. Eridan hurried past Sollux, Feferi at his side. Gamzee watched from the bushes. 

"That's what happened to you two? Eridan just freaked out one day?" Dave asked. No one answered. Another clip was playing. Sollux was screaming, pounding his fists on the wall of his bedroom, hurling little knickknacks and toys Eridan had given him at the wall. Gamzee watched from the doorway.

"You fucking thtalked me?!" Sollux yelled. No one spoke. The camera cut ahead. Eridan and Feferi sat alone, Eridan reading a book to her. Sollux ran up to them and began questioning Eridan. Eridan rose to his feet and jabbed Sollux in the chest with his finger. Though no one could hear what they were saying, they felt every word. The camera cut again. Feferi and Eridan were shouting at each other. Feferi, in tears, ran away. Gamzee chased after her.

"Gamzee?" She hissed. "YOU chased me?! I thought that was Eridan!"

"Why the fuck would I chase you?!" Eridan snapped. The camera cut. Sollux was comforting Feferi in the hallway. "He'th an idiot." Sollux said.

"Are you kidding me?!" Eridan cried. "Fef, are you serious? You LISTENED to him?! That's why you wouldn't talk to me? Because of HIM?!"

The camera cut again. Now it was Eridan's turn to have a temper tantrum. Eridan and Sollux shouted in each other's faces in front of everyone, Feferi in tears. No one said a word. They were dangerously close to the age they were now. Another cut. Sollux and Feferi held together a cut piece of paper. "Sollux and Feferi, Feferi and Sollux." It read.

"Bastard." Eridan muttered, staring at it. "You bastard."

"What do you care?" Sollux snapped.

"That was our thing!"

"We never had a thing!"

"Yes, we did! You KNOW we did! Everyone knows we did!" Eridan cried. They were both standing up now. 

"It's not our thing anymore!"

"You don't just do that!" 

"And you don't just do THAT!" Feferi cut in, pointing at the screen. Eridan had just snapped Sollux's glasses. "So you want to call him that again or what?"

"Thith ithn't your fucking fight, Feferi, tho back the fuck off!" Sollux hissed at Feferi.

"I'm on your side, you land-lover!" Feferi shouted.

"Thtop calling me that! You've never even THEEN the othean!" Sollux snapped back. 

"Jerk face!" 

"Brat!"

"Shut up!" Jade shrieked. "Shut up shut up shut up! Goddamn it! Look at the fucking screen, Sollux!" She pointed to the video, showing Gamzee watching Eridan crying in his bed. It was at the house they are in now. Everyone stopped. There was Eridan, his body shaking, curled up in his tattered bed. The camera cut one final time. There on the screen was Eridan's diary, wide open on that date's page. 

"I'm sorry, Sol." It read. "I'm really glubbin sorry. This entire thing is my fault. I'm sorry." That was all that was written. Everyone stared, literally reading Eridan's diary.

"Eridan?" Sollux asked quietly, looking over at Eridan, who practically shook with rage, glaring at Gamzee.

"You fucking CLOWN!" Eridan roared, leaping over the couch and slamming Gamzee against a wall. He choked him. Every leapt up.

"Eridan, stop it!" Karkat cried. I doubt Eridan heard him. 

"That's it!" Kanaya cried. "I'm going fishing!" She ran forward.

"No!" Sollux held her back. "Thtop it, Eridan, let him go!"

"He went too far!" Eridan yelled. Sollux ran forward, grabbing him behind the harms and pulling him back with every ounce of his strength. 

"Eridan!" He shouted. "Cool it!"

"Get off me!"

"I forgive you!" Sollux said. Everyone froze. He let go of Eridan, who turned and looked at him. The world around them stood still. "I'm thorry, too, alright? Jutht...I didn't even know what happened! You jutht...thtopped talking to me. And then I made it into thith huge meth with Feferi and- I don't know. I'm thorry."

It was quieter than quiet. No one dared to breathe. 

"I got you a dead rat." Eridan muttered. "I got you a dead rat and you got me this nice thing and I panicked, okay? That's why I did that."

"You really are an idiot." Sollux laughed, ensnaring him in a hug. "This all happened over a dead rat?"

"Well, now we know the answer to question number three." Karkat said. "A Fucking rat."

"Is this why you locked us in here?" Vriska asked. "To fix them?"

"Correct." Gamzee nodded. 

"I hate you." Eridan muttered to Gamzee. 

"You're welcome."


	18. Daughter

To Feferi it seemed that Sollux and Eridan had forgotten how to be friends. Unlike how they were when they were kids, they weren't stuck like glue following their forgiveness- they seemed shy with one another. She had hypothesized that they would immediately go back to being all buddy-buddy with each other, (and she somewhat selfishly feared that she would be shoved aside). She, of course, went back to talking to Eridan like nothing had ever happened, but such was not in Sollux's comfort zone. They interacted in a very strange way, mostly because they had changed a lot since they were eight. Sollux was no longer taller than Eridan, and Eridan's movements had changed from a child's dash to a militiaman' swift travel. They were different people. 

Across the room they would make eye contact and give each other a smile, and when one of them joked the other would laugh, but that was really just about it. Eridan seemed very content with how this was all playing out. He felt a sense of belonging in the core of his heart and the knot he had tied in his gut had loosened after all those years. He felt better. Happier. He felt liked. And he was liked. But Sollux was still very shivery on this whole thing. He wasn't used to not glaring at Eridan as they passed each other and he wasn't used to smiling at him. He wasn't used to not being made fun of for the way he talked or his height. And he wasn't used to Feferi being so chill with Eridan. It was. Like he had dumped out a box of every custom he had ever held onto the floor and watched them break and roll away under the bed and into air vents. He could feel his stomach turning. He had felt better than he had been in a while that night he forgave Eridan, but now? He didn't quite know. It was like he had consumed an entire jar of mind honey. 

Things seemed content, though. Calm. And maybe they would stay that way for a while. There would be no eye-stabbing or clown-hunting or super dramatic love triangles about this time. No, everyone would chill their asses down. Take a break. Give the insanity a rest.

Lol.

Like that's ever gonna happen.

Because this is the chapter where shit really starts to hit some serious fan. This is the part where someone lets the dogs out. This is where the bass drops. But it drops in the most subtle of ways, like a pin hitting the floor, so quiet and soft you wonder how it could possibly cause any disturbance, but lo and behold, that pin apparently had demonic powers and just opened Pandora's box. 

Shit

Is going

DOWN.

 

It began in the wee hours of the morning three days after Sollux and Eridan had pieced back together their past relationship when a loud slamming woke everyone in the house. Outside their front door, a fist pounded upon their home, demanding to be let in. "Open up, whale ya?" A accented female voice growled. "Cmon, it's reinin'. I'm cold, goddamn ya."

"Who the fuck are you? And no, it's not raining!" Karkat shouted back, the rest of his group behind him in their pjs.

"I's the milkman, asshole, now open up!" The voice answered.

"No!" Karkat snapped, folding his arms across his chest.

"Gah-lee, man, don't be such a Moby DICK! Open the hell up!"

"You heard me! No! Now get off my property before I call the police!" Karkat threatened.

"Ugh, don't you sound ripe fer the pokin'." The woman groaned. "Look, I know yer in there, freaks, now wont'cha just come on along like good lil' fishies?"

"Excuse me?" Karkat seethed.

"Wait, Karkat, I like her." Feferi said. "Let's see what she wants."

"Thank ya, sweetie pie, and for the log I want IN!" The woman shouted.

"Sollux, will you get her a towel?" Feferi said, stepping forward and reaching for the knob.

"Feferi!" Karkat cried as she opened the door. He wasn't going to say he called it, but he totally called it. In an instant the woman behind the door had snatched a big clump of her hair and jerked Feferi into her, a knife pressing at the base of her throat. Feferi screamed. 

"God damn, you're stupid." She laughed quietly. "Ahh, you kids. You totally look like us."

"What the fuck?" Sollux hissed, his fists clenched.

"Let go of her!" Nepeta commanded. Equius nearly smacked the back of her head. The woman snickered. She was around eighteen or nineteen, her thin black hair pulled into two strings that went so long they kicked at her ankles. They could be used like the reins of a horse. Her snicker turned into a laugh, and her laugh subsided into a giggle, and she gave a big sigh.

"What do you want from us?" Feferi whispered shakily, tears dripping from her eyes.

"There's a big payout where I'm headed. And you's coming." She said.

"Oh my god, I think that's one of them." Kanaya covered her mouth. "Are you the one hunting us?"

"One of 'em. They's twelve of us." She said. "This pretty one's mine."

"You can have her." Eridan said. All heads turned to him. "But you have to explain what's going on, who you are, and why you want Feferi in particular."

"Eridan." Sollux breathed. "What. Are. You. Doing?"

"So I'll close the door..." Eridan slowly approached the door. "Equius will get you a CLEAN towel," he gave Equius a glare. "And you can follow us upstairs and into the TV room. Sound good?"

"How can I trust ya?" The woman said. "How do I know once I let this cutie go you won't just harpoon me?"

"While that is certainly tempting," Eridan said slowly, "we won't. If it makes you more comfortable you may hold her hand while we talk. But no knives."

"Not even a little pokin'?"

"Absolutely not."

"...fin, then." She sighed, dropping her knife. It clattered on the floor and Feferi broke free, running into Sollux's arms and shivering. Sollux glared at the woman. 

"Cmon. Your end of the fishin' line, now." She grinned, extending her hand. Feferi began to cry.

"No." Sollux said. 

"No?"

"Sollux." Eridan nudged him. "Give her to her."

"What the fuck are you doing?" Sollux whispered. 

"I'll tell you in a second, just do it."

Sollux shook his head. 

"Let me talk to her then." He touched the back of Feferi's head. "Fef. She won't hurt you."

"Y-You don't know tha-that." Feferi sniffled. 

"She won't. It's okay. Just go."

"She has a knife."

"We have Equius."

"You know he won't do anything."

"I will. Sollux will. Look, just trust me, Fef." Feferi looked at him. Eridan mustered a smile.

"I'm getting star-bored." The woman yawned.

"Go." Eridan said.

"I trust him, Feferi." Sollux said. "It's okay."

"W-Will you hold my hand, too?"

Eridan looked at the woman. "Can she hold his hand, too?"

"Eh, I guess so. But anemoneed this done quickly, K?"

Slowly, Sollux crossed the front room to the woman, who extended her hand. Shivering and shuddering, Feferi took her cold, wet hand. "Good." Eridan sighed. "Now come on. The room's this way." On their way up the stairs, Sollux whispered to Eridan.

"What'th going on?"

"I think I can talk her outta taking Fef."

"THAT'TH YOUR-"

"Shhhh!" Eridan hissed. 

"Somethin' wrong, boys?" The woman whistled.

"No." They answered together.

 

"So, let's start simple." Eridan said softly. The group, including the woman, sat on the couches together. "What's your name?"

"Meenah Peixes." She answered. Feferi's breath hitched in her throat.

"Meenah." Eridan repeated. "I'm Eridan Ampora, and that's Feferi Peixes."

"Ampora!" Meenah laughed. "Ooh, you're nothin' like him. Daddy sure will be proud."

"Did you say Daddy?" Nepeta asked.

"Not really like that." Equius said. "Like Dirk to Dave."

"Ohh."

"It's nice to see my baby girl." Meenah said. "Ain't she just a pearl. You don't need to be scared of mommy."

"You're not my mother."

"Mmhm."

"No, you're not. I have no mother. I'm a product of Ectobiology, as are you." Feferi said. Meenah giggled.

"Ahh, you crack me up. I ain't ya momma. I'm more like a big sis." 

"Let's get back on track." Eridan said. "Why're you here?"

"For little-miss-cries-a-lot."

"Watch it." Sollux growled.

"O-ho!" Meenah raised an eyebrow. "A boyfriend, eh? Not too shabby."

"Why are there only twelve of you?" Eridan said loudly.

"Because." Meenah shrugged. "The other four ran off and stole our kin."

"Stole?" Dave folded his arms. "I'm pretty sure those biologist fuckasses threw your 'kin' out."

"Nope. They were safe and sound til' your Mr. Dirk up and took what wasn't his." Meenah shook her head.

"That's a lie."

"Try my evidence, kid. Sorry to burst your bubble." Meenah said. "We were the sixteen before yous. Besides, where is that Dirk? I missed the lil' bugger."

"He's dead." Jade said grimly. 

"What about Jake? Is he still as hot as he used to be?"

"He's dead, too. They all are." Dave said, his arms folding tight.

"Such a shame. Tch." Meenah shook her long braids. "Ya know, I grew up with those guys. Just like you. 'Cept they kind kept to themselves. Like a lil' cult. Then one day they up and kidnapped a buncha babes and no one saw em' again. Well, 'cept Dr. R. Bitch was at a Walmart. He followed em home and found the little squat ya had."

"Hey, I grew up there, so don't shit all over it." John set his jaw.

"Try me." Meenah held a tighter grip on Feferi, who winced.

"Okay, good. You're being cooperative." Eridan said. "So, explain to me why you're taking her back and no one else."

"B'cus everyone else is comin' fer their own pups." Meenah said. "And she's mine. There's a fine price on your heads. If we turn you in, we get our freedom."

Dave burst out laughing. "Oh my god, you actually believed that?" He wheezed. "Good god! You really are a gullible bitch!"

"Dave!" Terezi hissed. 

"'Scuse me?" Meenah rose to her feet, eyebrow raised.

"I mean, honestly!" Dave laughed.

"Shut up!" Terezi hissed.

"No, Terezi, I won't!" He turned to her. "See, this bitch fucking tracks us down, busts all up into my house, insults my bro and now what? Threatens my friend with a fuckin' knife? No. Absolutely not. You fuckers might take this bitch seriously but I don't. So you, fish bitch, can let go of Feferi immediately and get out." He wasn't laughing anymore. Meenah stared at him, baffled. "You deaf? Leave!" She shouted. 

"Stupid kid." She grinned. "Don't you know to respect your elders?" And out of nowhere there was a knife at his throat and Meenah had him against the wall. The sixteen broke into yelling, shouting at her their begging to let him go. Terezi choked back a scream. "Now, I'ma give you a lil' sumpin. Just a bit of memorabilia. Sumpin' to remember me by." Terezi couldn't hold back her scream this time as Meenah skillfully carved a deep design into his forehead. Dave writhed and moaned in agony, grabbing at whatever he could, anything to make the pain go away. The bitch sure did drag it out, too. She carved very carefully so deep it cut into his skull. Terezi began crying. Finally, Meenah had finished. Blood dripping from his forehead he panted in pain, as everyone looked at the scar he would soon have. In the corner of his forehead was a small picture of a pair of triangular shades, just like the kind his bro wore. She smiled. "You're welcome."

"Terezi." Dave said darkly. "What the duck did she do."

"Dirk...His shades." Terezi answered. He looked up at Mennah, who smiled happily.

"I did like Dirk. He was cool." She smiled.

"It's your fault." He mumbled. "When he found out that they were being tracked he sent us away. To protect us, he killed Jane, Jake and Roxy. Then himself. Because of you."

"I'm gonna be free, kid, no matter the cost. I've never done this before. It's all I want." She said. 

"You're already free, you idiot!" Dave shouted. "You are literally free! No one can stop you! So I am telling you, get away from here! Let Feferi go. Just go."

"Kid, you don't understand." She said. "You don't know what they did to me because of your 'big bro'. You don't understand why Fef is so special to me. You wanna know? After your idiot father figure left they took all the ladies and they mutilated us. They...I..." She huffed, tears bubbling in her eyes. "I can't be a mommy anymore. It's all I've ever wanted and they took it from me. Because of him. But now... They told me if I get her back they'll fix me."

"It's a lie."

"It's not."

"It's scientifically impossible."

"No."

"Yes."

"Fucking face it!" Dave shouted. "Look, what they did to you was fucked up, ok? But you can't take her back. You just can't. It's not right. Don't do it. Stop hurting people."

There was silence.

Silence before the storm.

Silence before Meenah screamed.


	19. Meenah, Barren Meenah

Three days later and the now seventeen were cleaning up after the hurricane that was Meenah blew through their house. They were all still shaking, their legs shivering, their bodies going into full freeze every time they saw him. As for him, well...he hadn't yet found his way home.

Meenah screamed in what was insurmountable rage, fear, and undeniable happiness. She screamed endlessly into the void, her cry nothing more than her body's response to the whirlwind of emotion spinning out of control in her brain, reducing her kind state into merely a paradox. Her scream was haunting and bloodcurdling as it shook its way through their home. For a split second the rest of the sixteen felt her insufferable agony inside, and they were all her. They felt what it was like to be Meenah, barren Meenah. When she ceased her roar she went after Feferi, swinging her knife down diagonally, and thankfully, she missed. But not by much. He who took the blunt of the knife was Gamzee. A long, deep gash stretched its way across his face and took home just above his left eye and down his nose. Karkat's breath hitched in his throat. Gamzee looked surprised, like he had gotten a question he guessed correctly. Meenah quickly moved on, her knife in the air, but Gamzee didn't allow that. Skillfully he snatched her hand and twisted it behind her back, bending, bending, bending until finally- snap. Her bone broke. She shrieked in pain, and even as she was running away she didn't escape Gamzee. Gamzee caught up to her so fast it seemed like he sprinted, but so calmly it seemed he had walked. He gave her a warm, genuine smile. Everyone watched in terror. Meenah panted shakily.

"You didn't motherfucking finish." He told her. "Sorry I went all snappy on your mother fuckin juggler there. See here, I'll do it for ya, just this once." Gamzee almost let her go. "Oh, wait, fuck. I forgot. I can't let you get all mother fuckin escapin all up on me and shit. Here, Meenah..." He dragged her over to Equius, who stood firm. "As a high-motherfucker I order you to hold her, please". Equius stammered as he held Meenah by the arms. "Now," he said. "This'll just take a bit." He sucked in a deep breath and let it out again. He proceeded to rip two new gashes in his face, slowly and much deeper, the blood flowing from his face, into his open mouth as he laughed. Karkat literally hyperventilated. Most of the rest just screamed.

Gamzee wasn't the same after. He was quieter. Softer. He didn't smile very much. He hadn't spoken to anyone since. As for everyone else, they steered clear of him as best they could without seeming rude. Feferi had bouts of crying every now and then, and Sollux was always there to comfort her. Eridan went about himself in silence, not joining into conversation like he regularly did. As for Kanaya, she took over as leader for Karkat and had to make sure that things actually got done. The day after the knife fight only Equius rose for work the next day- everyone else just stayed in bed.

Rose Lalonde made progress.

Kanaya knocked on her door in the morning, a soft double-rap on her door with the back of her knuckles. "Rose?" She asked softly. "Are you there? I-I've brought you something to eat."

"Kanaya," Rose smiled softly, "everyone knows you can't cook."

"Will you please just try it?"

Rose stood up to unlock her door, a smile on her lips. Kanaya smiled back. She offered her a plate of food- a blueberry muffin and an over easy egg. Rose smiled as she took the plate, and in front of her matesprit she took a bite of the muffin. It was remarkably dry and crumbly, like it had sat out three days, not to mention salty. Rose chewed painfully, wondering how anyone could manage to screw up blueberry muffins. She gave Kanaya a weak smile. "Thanks." She said. Kanaya cocked her head to the side with a weary smile. 

"I messed up again, didn't I?"

"Unfortunately." Rose said. "Will you join me in my bed? I want to talk to you about something. Kanaya nodded, setting down her plate on a nightstand and rotting cross-legged across from Rose on Rose's bed. Rose took her hand. "Any news with Meenah?"

"She hasn't left the basement since we put her there."

"And you're sure there's nothing she could hurt herself with?"

"I doubt it. We basically stripped her naked, and I doubt she had a knife anywhere else." Kanaya said. "Any reason why?"

"I worry, I worry." Rose sighed. "Is this really what those awful people at the facility did to our professors? Is that really Feferi's mother?"

"As close as you can get, yes. It doesn't make us any less Ecto-Mistake." Kanaya responded. "All my life I've wondered- have I a mother? Will I ever meet her? Where did I come from? This answer is...disappointing."

"I'm sure it is for everyone else, too." Rose comforted her. "What did you have in mind?"

Kanaya blushed. "Promise not to laugh?"

Rose drew a cross over her heart.

"I used to think I was a daughter of a goddess." She looked up at her ceiling fan. "I would see her in my dreams- a tall, slender, beautifully tattooed woman with the most beautiful black hair flowing all down her back. She wore lots of jewelry and these beautiful flowing gowns: her preferred color was green, just like me. She was so beautiful, Rose. And in my dreams she would hold me close and call me daughter, and she would tell me that she was the goddess of childbirth, representing hope and motherliness to all children. And that I was her daughter."

"What was her name?"

"Porrim. Porrim Maryam."

"It sounds like a very beautiful imaginary mother." Rose said. "I used to pretend Roxy was my motht since she looked like me. And look at me, I was right. But, that's not really what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Then what was?"

"You know how I've always wanted to be a therapist?"

"Yes?"

"May I please practice on Meenah?" 

Kanaya looked taken aback. "Um, Rose, are you sure that's-"

"Please?" Rose begged. "I promise you that I won't get hurt. This is a really big opportunity for me!"

"Rose, you've already lost an eye trying to help someone. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about." Rose looked down. "Ever since I lost my eye to Vriska, I really haven't been clear on what we are. Are we still an item? Are you and Vriska an item now?"

"...I...don't know...exactly." Kanaya sighed. "I just don't know. I'm sort of...torn."

"Right." Rose looked away. "So can I talk to Meenah or not?"

"Sure, if you want." Kanaya sighed. "But Equius has to be there at all times."

"What?"

"Kidding, kidding. Go ahead."

 

"May I come in?"

"Eh? Who's anglin'? No, wait, that pun sucks. Who's there?"

"Rose Lalonde."

"The one eye?"

"More vulgarly known as, yes."

"Cmon."

Rose pushed open the basement door at the bottom of the stairs, entering a dark and barren room, devoid of all and any objects. Rose stepped inside, flicking on a light switch to reveal Meenah laying flat on a mattress on the floor, her hands and legs tied down. "Agh." She gritted her teeth and squinted at the light.

"My apologies."

"So, y'here to let me go? Throw me back? Heheh, get it?" She grinned.

"No...I was actually just here to have a friendly chat with you. Ecto-freak to Ecto-Freak." Rose smiled.

"Really? No more questions?"

"No."

"Huh. That's a shocker."

"Again, I apologize." Rose smiled. "I'm training as a therapist."

"Eh? Those fuckers with the drugs? I'll pass, sister."

"Oh, no no no! That's not a therapist at all. Actually, that's a common mistake one makes when thinking of a therapist." Rose said. "As a therapist I am here for you to talk to, about anything and everything, 100% confidentially."

"So ya keep my secrets for me?"

"That is a big component of my job, yes." Rose nodded. "Another thing I do is, if desired, I can offer suggestions and helpful tips to solve problems. But I can also just be someone to talk to about scary stuff. So, where would you like to begin?"

"Oof. Ah, let's see...I'm debait'n on if I can trust you or not." Meenah said. 

"It's your choice if you do or do not share your secrets with me. How about an easy topic: how was your day?"

"Barely started, I gather." Meenah groaned. "Didn't sleep much last night. Spent most of it cryin'. And you were there for what happened last night."

"Yes, I remember. I'm sorry about that, Meenah."

"Jegus. Any other topics?"

"Friends? Did you have any friends back at the...uh...is it okay if I mention the facility?"

"Jeez, no." Meenah winced. "And that ain't gonna get us nowhere with talking, because basically everything I have to do with is that goddamned place, and I don't wanna say shit about it. How 'bout you, one eye, how was your day?"

"M-Me?" Rose looked up. "Ah...I guess it was okay so far. My girlfriend made me this horrid blueberry muffin. Of course, I'm not sure if I can really call her that anymore, or if I should."

"Oh, a gillfriend? Wait did that pun suck too?"

"A bit. But, yes. Or she used to be."

"Aww, what happened?"

"Well, it's actually the story of how I lost this eye." Rose smiled. "So Kanaya, my lovely girlfriend, and I were together for no more than a day before her absolutely insane- um, ex girlfriend? I don't know, honestly. I guess there were just some red feelings there for a long time and hers were just way stronger."

"Sorry, pause button, can we use some names here?" 

"I'm not sure if, as a therapist, I can do that."

"Try me, I'll play therapist. Confindential." Meenah said. Rose paused. 

"Alright." She sighed. 

"Who's the gullfriend?" She asked. "Also was that a good pun?"

"It's better, and my quote-unquote 'girlfriend' is Kanaya Maryam." 

"Ooh, the Porrim lookalike? I gotcha."

"Did you say Porrim?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I- ...nothing. Nothing."

"Who's the exie?"

"Vriska Serket."

"Another Serket, huh? Nice. I'm on pretty good gills with the one we got. Anyway, what happened with your Serket?"

"She found out and got pretty bad. When Kanaya and she were driving a car with all the girls onboard she threatened to kill us all and herself. Thankfully, Kanaya stopped her. Anyway, I decided to talk to her a little bit because a lot of what she said really hurt Kanaya. Anyway, I went out in the woods to talk to her very calmly and, well, she attacked me. She wanted to blind me in both eyes, but I escaped. Equius managed to take out my ruined eye and stitch my socket shut. In a few more days I'll take off this bandage." She smiled, pointing to the bandage. "After I escaped I ran back and basically fainted. From what Kanaya told me, she said that she told Vriska to get out and never come back, but she didn't mean it, and so she went after her. It turned out that it was little Nepeta Lejion who saved the day, stopping Vriska from killing herself and bringing the two back together. Vriska and I are on surprisingly good terms, for someone who tried to kill me."

"Damn." Meenah said. "Looks like you've been through shit too, huh?"

"Yes. Especially with Dirk's suicide." Rose sighed.

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"Did Dirk ever do you wrong?"

"Yeah. They took away any chance of being a mama from me because of him and his carelessness!" Meenah glared. Rose went back into therapist mode, nodding.

"I can see how you would feel that way." She said. "You're right- what he did was careless and you took the punishment for what he did. You and the rest of your ladies. May I also say that Dirk saved all of our lives? You see, when he kidnapped us all he and the others have us a home and raised us wild and strong. They kept us safe. They showed us love. I've never felt any more love from anyone else."

"Really? Didn't take Dirk to be the sentimental type."

"Oh, you should have seen his suicide letter for Dave. He was very sappy in professing his brotherly love. Quite tearjerking, actually."

"Psh, you sure he didn't say all that shit ironically?"

"Very sure, actually." 

"Huh."

"Dave likes the scar you gave him."

"Eh?"

"Yup. After you got locked up down here Terezi and he went for ice cream to calm down, and she told me he kept admiring it and running his fingers over it. He says he liked it ironically, but I think he really does." Rose smiled. "We did have to clean it up. You really can cut deep."

"What can I say? I'm a professional pokah." She grinned. "So what happens to me when I get outta here? Do I go back?"

"Actually, I was thinking you could stay with us."

"Uh?"

"Yeah. I mean, you're one more mouth to feed and you fucked up half our group, but hey, you're an Ecto-Freak. Who cares. Stay with us. Go on our adventure."

"There are more people coming for yous." Meenah said. "Serket and Maryam and Nitram and Megido...yuck. Megido. They're all coming after you guys."

"We might not be able to house them all, but you can tag along if you like. You might just have to fend for yourself." Rose said. "We'll do our best. I'll take it up with Karkat-"

"Shouty? I like shouty."

"I'll take it up with shouty as soon as I can. Until then, welcome to the team, Meenah. Let me undo those bonds for you."


	20. Kiss

"You want her to stay?" Karkat stared at Rose as though she had reported her desire to bomb China. "We don't have any spare rooms. And even more so, she literally fucking maimed our friends. Feferi hasn't been back to normal in days. Not to mention fucking Gamzee. Even more so-"

"Then we'll have her get her own place." Rose cut him off impatiently. "But there are more coming. And besides, we're all Ecto-Freaks, right? Should we not stick together?"

"I hear you, I get it." Karkat sighed. "But you lost an eye. Gamzee lost his mind. Feferi's terrified. I really don't think our group is mentally stable enough to handle it right now."

He was being irrationally reasonable for a Monday afternoon, fresh out of work. Normally he wouldn't even want to hear the sound of a bird's song this time of day. Nepeta described it as his witching hour, the hour in which he was most furryous. Terezi described it as just typical Mr. Leaderpants. To Rose, it was Monday. 

"We need to get her back on her feet, at the very least. Please, let her stay."

"She's another mouth to feed."

"She's broke. Homeless. Never worked a day in her life."

"She needs to take care of herself."

"She needs our help." In her frustration Rose remained calm, arms politely resting on Karkat's computer desk, her hands folded. Karkat's face was getting red, his patience draining away. 

"Fine." He caved. "Let her stay. But I want her OUT by this coming week. OUT."

"That's unreasonable."

"That's my final offer." 

Rose briskly left Karkat's room, passing angrily through the hallways and slipping down the stairs like water down the drain. She knocked on the basement door, two swift raps, followed by a 'come in'. "Meenah." Rose addressed the braided girl, who lay on her back tapping at a cell phone. 

"Sup."

"Come with me." She snatched Meenah's wrist, lifting her to her feet. 

"Water you doing?"

"We're getting you a social security number." Rose dragged her upstairs. "With that you can get a bank account and get a job and then apply for a loan and get an apartment."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down there, lil fishy." Meenah stopped. "I'm gonna have to do paperwork?"

"Yes."

"I'm out. Boosh."

"Oh, no you're not!" Rose stopped her. "You have to do this, Meenah. Karkat wants you up and out by next week. And all your friends."

"Fuck that."

"Do you WANT to starve on the streets?"

"No."

"Then hurry up and follow me!"

"Fine!" Meenah groaned. That is, until the gears in her head began grinding and a grin stretched across her face. A lightbulb flashed over her head. "One one condition."

"What now?"

"I want everyone." She grinned. "To take a trip. To Six Flags Over Georgia."

 

Six Flags Over Georgia is, and has always been, the highlight of many an Atlanta kid's childhood days. With its rollercoasters zipping around and it's brilliant rides and restaurants, the theme park is a dazzling experience for men, women and those inbetween of all ages. Of course, no ride in the park can compare to the majesty of the pride of the show, the crown jewel of SFOG, the Goliath! With its swoops, sweeps and corkscrew turns, the Goliath is a high-flying ballet of the body, a masterpiece of modern machinery, a symphonic song of screams and squeals, echoing for miles and miles beyond the park and out onto the highway. 

The Goliath was all Horuss could think about these days. Since leaving his home in the facility and having the sudden realization that he was free, the Goliath was the star of the show in the dance of his mind. He thought about it day in and day out. How fun it would be to board that masterful contraption! How interesting it is! How do the gears turn and the switches flip that make it go the way it goes? How indeed! But how, he wondered even more, am I ever going to board such a thing?

Meenah was how.

She and all the rest essentially owed him one for removing all the chips lodged in their spines and for building them cell phones resembling an iPhone. And since he had blabbered on endlessly about the majesty of the Goliath, she thought maybe she ought to pay him back. 

So that Wednesday, after much begging and blackmailing. Rose and all the rest caught taxis to the park. Meeting them would be, essentially, their parents.

"Equius!" Nepeta purred excitedly that Tuesday. "I can't wait to meet my big sister! I bet she's really purritty! Aren't you excited to meet your big brother?"

"Not as much as you, but I am looking forward to it. It should be interesting." He said calmly, taking Nepeta's tiny paw in his great hoof. Nepeta giggled as butterflies are at her insides. Maybe, she thought, this is the right time to tell him? They're alone in Nepeta's bedroom now. No one can see them. What would it matter? But what would Equius think! What then? No! She decided, I have to tell him now! If not now, then when? She bit at her lip. She opened her mouth and made at doing, by it was only a squeak. She tried and tried to make the words come out, but they were far too afraid to leave her throat. Wait! She shut her mouth. Equius was saying something.

"Nepeta," he clenched her hand, "I have been meaning to ask you about something...serious...and for this purpose I will ask you not to make any cursed cat puns. Excuse my vulgarity." He was sweating rivers down his face. Nepeta looked at him with big eyes. "I...wanted to know if..."

"I've been wanting to tell you something, too!" Nepeta blurted. He stopped. 

"Okay then. You first."

"No, no, you go!"

"I insist."

"I insist harder!"

"U-um, fine then." He looked away. "Nepeta, would you be okay with...how to put this...not being moirails anymore?"

Nepeta's eyes widened. "What?"

"I mean, we've been moirails for as long as I can remember, and-"

"But I thought you loved being meowrails!"

"I do...I mean, I did...but I don't really...um-"

"This isn't what I was expecting." Nepeta pulled her paw away. 

"Well, what were you expecting?"

"Oh, I don't know, for you to want to be matesprits?" Nepeta blurted out before she should stop herself. Realizing her hideous mistake she covered her mouth and blushed insanely, but the words had been said and there was no going back now. 

"What?"

"U-uh, I...I didn't mean that, I-" Nepeta stammered. "E-er...er...I meant that I...uh..."

"I wasn't aware of your red feelings."

"Like hell you weren't." And bam, knife in the back. Standing in their open doorway was Meenah- a huge grin on her face. "Everyone was aware of those-" she squinted her eyes- "red feelings."

"Meenah." He growled, standing up tall and looking down on her. "This is a private conversation, and I would very much like it if you didn't interfere." His height didn't bother her. 

"Uhh, why so sweaty?" Meenah giggled. "Somebody nervous?"

"My perspiration issues are none of your business." 

"Ooh, defensive, are we?"

"Meownah, purrease." Nepeta whined sadly. "I don't feel good, please don't be mean..."

"You've taken ill?" Equius turned to her. "Nepeta, are you okay?"

"Oh, now you care about her? Cmon, man, you crushed her."

"Like I said, this is a very private conversation and-"

"Blah blah blah bitch bitch bitch, will you please just cut the crap already?"

"I will not have you use such vulgarity in my presence-"

"Vulgarity, what do you mean, vulgarity?"

"The words you said only a moment ago. Vulgarity."

"Oh, you mean bitch? Biiiiiiitch, bitchbitch, bitchy bitch bitch bitch!"

Nepeta vomited to shut them up. 

"Nepeta!" Equius exclaimed, dropping down before her. "Meenah, go get Karkat, get someone to help her."

"Go away." Nepeta whimpered.

"Huh?"

"Go away!" She cried. "You think you're so much better than everyone else, huh? Go away! Get out of my room! I don't need you to take care of me anymore! I can take care of myself, starting right now!" She stood up too fast and fell right back down, blacking out on the ground.

 

"Nepeta, are you awake?" Equius's voice sounded softly in her ears. The kitten blinked open her eyes, looking around sleepily to find herself still in her room. She felt horribly ill. Standing by her bed was- oh, God. Equius.

"Equius?" She whimpered.

"There you are." He smiled, gently resting a hand over her forehead and smoothing down her hair. "How do you feel?"

My head hurts, she thought. My tummy aches. My heart hurts. I'm sad. She said nothing aloud- only shutting her eyes tight as to not let him see her tears. She shifted away from his hand.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Nepeta." He sighed, sitting down against her bed, leaning up to her. She snuggled under the covers, fighting back her rejection tears. "It wasn't my intent, I-"

"Please go away." She sniffled. 

"Nepeta, I'm sorry." He said. "I didn't know you felt that way about me and I-"

"Go away!"

"You're not letting me finish, I-"

"I said go away, I don't wanna let you finish!" 

Equius sighed, resting his head in his arms, his elbows on his knees. Nepeta had never felt this horrible. She hadn't ever treated her best friend like this. But even he didn't want to be friends anymore. What had she done to deserve this? What did she do to him? Why is he doing this to her? Why is she doing this to him? Why couldn't she have just gone first and told him how she felt. 

"Please, let me tell you what I wanted to." He said softly. Nepeta started crying. "Please don't cry. This really isn't how I pictured this going."

"I-If I le-let you say wha-what you wa-wanted to...will you p-please just go away?" Nepeta sobbed quietly. 

"If that's what you want."

"H-Hurry u-up, then."

"I...I feel the same way about you."

"Huh?"

"I...I always have and I really didn't think that you did the same for me. I thought that I was just a friend and...I don't know. I didn't know how to tell you."

"S-so why did you not want to be my friend anymore?"

"Because I didn't I see our...relationship...really going anywhere else."

"So you broke it off?"

"I'm sorry, Nepeta, I'm sorry." He sighed. "I'll leave now." He stood up and crossed the room. Just as his hand touched the doorknob-

"Wait. Come back." Nepeta whimpered. He turned his head. Nepeta reached out a hand. He smiled softly and walked back, taking her hand in his. She started to cry again. Equius skillfully scooped her petite body up and hugged him close to his near-bare chest, her head pressing into his shoulder. He sat on the edge of her bed and rocked her softly and sweetly, kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry, Equius, I didn't mean it at all." She sniffled, her tears soaking into his arms. He stroked the hair on the back of her head. 

"It's okay. It's okay." He promised her, his lips close to her ear. Nepeta leaned up and kissed him close to his mouth. He gently removed her mouth from his face and kissed her lips, as softly as he could manage. She kissed him back weakly, her hands entangling with his hair. He let his hands slip up and down her back, feeling her body under her clothes, carefully avoiding anywhere too intimate. She gratefully held him around the neck, her tears drying, a smile on her face. And for seemingly the first time in this entire fucking story two characters enjoyed an intimate, private moment together of absolute perfection, with no one watching them and no one to care.

I'm being serious.

Though this story seems to be filled with misfortune and violence, and though I separate my characters from one another and pain their hearts, I have decided to grant a royal exception and let Equius and Nepeta share their embrace in peace, privacy, and perfection.

 

End of act two. :)


End file.
